My place of work sometimes offers treats to employees in hopes that we feel appreciated. I do appreciate it - just the thought and effort says a lot and I like treats. Today I grabbed a Slim Jim. It oddly reminded me of bitcoin.
I tried to open the top of the Slim Jim with a tear across the front end at the top. That failed. Since the top of the plastic was zig-zagged, I perceived that as a design weakness and I tried to tear vertically down it. That failed too. I tried several times. Eventually, the plastic just became mangled and distorted to the point where there was no chance of tearing it anymore. Force only resulted in more stretching and warping.
Since the front end attack vector was not working for me, I flipped it over to attempt a back door hack. I went about it in the same way as the front end attempt--horizontal tear, vertical tear, repeated. There seemed to be no vulnerability. My brute force attempt at hacking into the Slim Jim was failing. Slim Jim must use full 128 bit plastic wrapper encryption.
So, I went to the tool bucket and employed the use of AI--how to open a Slim Jim. I wondered, "What would AI tell me to do?" I'm pretty sure it would say get a pair of scissors. With a pair of scissors I quickly cut across the wrapper horizontally. But, the vacuum seal is so tight that I wasn't able to cut enough of the wrapper off to fully release the beef. The security of a Slim Jim is multi-layered. The backdoor had a firewall; I was only half-hacked in. This required me to again pull and tug with my fingers, now with almost nothing to grasp hold of at all. Worse, the Slim Jim went into defense mode and secreted a greasy oil onto my fingers, like an octopus emitting ink, a skunk spraying, or a woman peppering an attacker. By then, my fingers were too slippery from the oil to get any grip at all on the now-cut-off plastic. I was so close to getting in, could literally smell it (as it taunted me), but I was still not in. The situation was almost hopeless.
Only by sheer determination, stubbornness, and the self-pride in not allowing a plastic wrapper to defeat me was I finally able to coerce the Slim Jim free by pressuring it up-and-out like a push-pop. I was mad, my fingers hurt, and they were oiled with grease, but I had successfully carried out a brute force hack of a Slim Jim.
I ate that bad boy.
If only bitcoin wallets were this secure.
Proof of hack
I go by 
