I try to bury the thoughts and feelings but my heart wants to keep digging them up.
The laughter, the fun the once was the best times of my life keep resurfacing my brain.
No, stop, leave me be. I must move on from these memories. Let go of my conscience and die away and never come back.
It hurts, it burns it cringes my insides thinking about the abandonment. The leaving and never coming back…the never saying goodbye. The walk away of never return. Oh dear God ease my brokenness.
The unanswered questions of why the evacuation?, how could you?, what did I do to deserve this desertion?, who caused this?, when did you decide to exit?, where are you now?
The assumptions haunt me when unexpected. The maybes circle my mind. The what if’s lie down with me at night. Will I ever completely be free?
No. This feeling will raid my insides for life. The silhouettes of friendship are hard to shun.
Lost.
Broken.
Confused.
Plans of growing together and watching our children married off together are shutdown. Never to come to pass unfinished plans whither away like a dying rose.
Browned, shriveled, decayed. No, not the rose, my heart. How do I get on? Am I capable of enjoying new friendships when I have unfinished ones?
Or were they for yet a season? As quick as the leaves change colors and fall to the ground…our friendship faded and blew away with the winds. Tossed and turned, lonely and cold.
My heart aches.
My soul is bruised.
My hope has been dimmed.
I must let go. I must move on. I must accept reality. You are gone, no more apart of my life. I won’t beg or plead or force anyone to be.
It’s your loss not mine. Your choice to disuse and terminate our bond. Our sisterhood is no longer…our connection lost and severed.
You’re missing so much. You never got to see the woman I’ve become. You will never know how I’ve overcome my trials and tribulations…including this one.
Was my life too much for you?. Could you not stand the heat of hard times? Did I share too deeply with you?
It’s okay old friend.
I’ve learned to thank you for the beautiful moments you have given me. I’ve learned to forgive you even without you knowing. I have learned to appreciate the struggle as it has made me stronger.
Oh, don’t let this moment fool you.
It’s not a moment of weakness but of strength. Anyone willing to admit they struggle, anyone willing to admit it’s hard, anyone willing to admit the pain of moving on, anyone willing to admit they don’t have it all under control shows great strength.
This is only part of my healing.
I’m ready to move on from you. I need to see what else life has for me.
Letting Go. Slowly letting go.
My thoughts aloud soothe me. They help me understand this pain I’m in. They also free me from this prison of wonderings.
I’m free.
I’m letting go.
Goodbye forever old friend.
I’ve had several abandoned friendships in my lifetime. Some more hurtful than others but the pain seems to spring back up unexpectedly.
In my 40th year of life I have finally been able to realize and accept that some friendships are seasonal. I had a hard time with this truth for so long and it ate me alive knowing that I would have lost friendships forever.
There were two really hurtful ones that abandoned me for no apparent reason.
One moved away and stopped calling me as well as stopped returning my calls. I began seeing photos online of her new friendships and just couldn’t understand why or what I did wrong. I felt I wasn’t good enough for her or didn’t posses “worthy” material things. These new friends had big houses and things that I had not yet acquired. If that was the case and if that is what she was really seeking then she didn’t deserve my friendship anyway. I was loyal and caring towards her and her family and it really hurt.
The second one that really stung was someone I confided in. We were growing together as friends in many ways. After I attended her wedding the calls stopped. When I did see her it was as if we were strangers. She was very short with me and really didn’t want to show any type of affection. Why? I most likely will never know.
If you have ever experienced abandonment from a good friend you are not alone. It hurts but it’s possible to move on. These experiences have only made me wiser and stronger.
I still love people and enjoy my new found friendships but I’ve stopped having so much expectation. I don’t expect my friendships to last a certain amount of time and I don’t expect my friends to act in a certain way. People will make their own decisions.
What I do is thank God for the present time I have with them and only hope that it would be a lasting relationship. If not, my unexpectations will allow me to better handle whatever happens.
Growing up I’ve always had best friends and close friends. Some of those friends are still in my life even after 30 some years. However, my husband is my best friend. I’m so grateful to have him in my life. I don’t cling to people like I used to because of what I’ve been through but I still am able to love them and give myself to them as a friend would. I’m just more vigilant and cautious.
After you have given so much of yourself for so long to people who just abandon you, it gets weary. For so long I was scared to give of myself to anyone but I knew that God still had plans for me and I trust Him to bring people into my life at the right times. I’m so glad I didn’t give up on friendship because I currently have some pretty amazing women in my life whom I have connected with. ♥️
Thank you to 
