I close my eyes. I feel the warm light hitting my eyelids, I taste orange and yellow. I cannot see, but I witness a blissful ambiance around me. A presence I can't explain, a state of calm I can never get enough of. I can walk for a while just by following the warmth of the light. My eyes are closed. It's quiet. I'm completely alone in the forest and I'm not afraid. I want to taste the air and feed my soul with it. There, in the middle of the cold morning, I feel myself, I am in the middle of my very existence. And I think: why do I exist?
Some might believe that I exist to make my parents proud. How many adults make out of this a life goal...Not me. Although the gratitude is there for being brought into this world through them, I know that in the end, I owe them nothing than my own freedom. I don't exist to cure them of their loneliness, unhappiness or unrealized goals. I don't exist to put them first and ignore my own needs for space, boundaries and personal life. I don't exist to show them how much I owe them.
How about a career? Is the purpose of my existence to climb the professional ladder and show how awesome I am? To earn as much as I can, to gather likes and follows and friends? To collect diplomas and certifications that would show that I am good? No. I don't exist for my career. Because I know how temporary money, status, jobs, casual friendships and validations can be. Too many forgot what happiness was in the pursuit for a higher paycheck. Clients will replace you if you disappear. Money will never satisfy your inner void. Diplomas are papers that can't wipe your lonely tears. Validations are shallow and they don't replace a heart to heart conversation. A career will never be able to hug you when you need it the most.
And the sweetest of them all... Love. Do I exist for a loved one, to fulfill all of his wishes, to make him the center of my Universe? Do I exist for other loved ones, for humanity, to spread goodness and positivity? This is a common trap where many fall into. In the pursuit for wholeness, a lot of people cater so much to others that they forget about themselves. Wanting to be loved, they will go through anything just to prove how good they are. Many don't care. Few appreciate. Even fewer follow. And this is how you get hurt. I don't exist to heal others and make them whole with the cost of my own sanity.
So... Why do I exist after all? What justifies my presence on this planet? And.. Why do we need to justify existence in the first place? You see, people lead all sorts of lives. Some will sacrifice for the kids (and be bitter about it years later), some will remain overly attached to parents out of the fear that they wouldn't succeed away from them or to comfort their solitary existence (and be frustrated about it years later). Some will choose a career and work until burnout just to get the next promotion, and the next promotion (and be sad about it later on), some cling to the wrong partners out of fear, some choose solitary life and regret it later. People make their choice and connect their existence to external sources. I consider though that I exist for me. For my own personal journey. For my growth as a human being. I exist because there is a higher purpose attached to the why. And we all don't know it and that is why so many sacrifice their life for others. But if we realize that we exist to have a spiritual journey on this Planet, a journey that has nothing to do with others, but with us.... The perspective changes. If I am focused on becoming the best version on myself daily, regardless of the outside world, everything else will be in balance. Because when we love ourselves first and realize that we owe it to us to take care of our needs, we no longer need validation. We no longer need to justify our existence. We no longer make choices that only bring misery because we know no better, because we are afraid, lonely, scared, needy. We no longer fear the opinions of parents, friends, strangers. We feel just bliss. Acceptance of our own self. Embracing the warm light of a pure life beyond external interference. And then we inhale... The sweet air of true, pure freedom: Existence.
Have a great day and toodle loo!
