Ah you described it so well...frozen. I did managed to lie myself that I am ok through work. I have piled a lot of things to do on my list so I would be able to forget. It worked for a while as I am capable of many hours of working. I was talking to Gabriela about how art has helped me through this. I would lie to say that I am completely ok by now. I know that this is a process.I have put pressure on myself by thinking: I should already be over this, why do I linger? But I can't fast forward healing, it does not work, I have tried.

Nobody would return to trauma. Would that person ever change? Would it be different? This can be a torture to ask yourself. I would not go back to that same dynamic and that pain. I am no longer the woman who would accept abuse in any form. In the same time, in the deepest corners of my soul, I can still sense a flickering hope that maybe people are capable of change. I am aware enough to realize that it is healthier to focus on my own healing though rather than trying to understand why that person did this or that.
Feeling pain is something I tried to avoid. I often supress my emotions and pick numbness and a state of freeze. But when the dam breaks and those feelings invade....it's tough.

How long did your healing take you? Which was the hardest part to accept? What would you tell to yourself then with the mind you have now?