I understand you very well. When my fifteen-year marriage collapsed, I was frozen for two years. I was afraid to move, so that my feelings would not break through the dam and destroy everything around. Now I look back and wonder how I survived. But if today I was offered to return to that relationship, I would say no. It's normal that you may feel pain. This means you are alive. As long as you're alive, everything can be fixed. Hug you 🤗