Brilliant minds think alike. It would be rude to tell someone they should not conceive as too many would take it personally. In the same time, if it would be a necessary truth, would you say it in a more polite manner? The right to have a child is regarded just as much as the right to breathe or go to the toilet. But breathing is a necessity while a child should be seen as a well documented option. Seeing kids as easy tools to be happy is not ok. I am near 40, I should have a kid. I am unhappy and I do not know what to do to save my relationship, I should have a kid. I am afraid of old age, I should have a kid. This is wrong.

I believe it takes a lot of maturity and self awareness to admit that you are not fit to become a parent. That doesn't mean this can't change. But how many adults who are now (bad) parenting their kids have the courage to admit that they viewed themselves as fit for parenting when in fact they weren't?

There is a lot of suffering when broken adults make kids. I can relate to your suffering because I have felt the same. Observing from a detached point of view, some adults should have not conceived. Sounds harsh, but the pain they inflicted to their offsprings is even worse. The issue is that it can take decades for an adult to grasp the source of his/her trauma. And coping with that and having talks with parents who refuse to assume responsibility is hard. Many dig a deep hole and bury the feelings. Imagine that these adults move on in life and make children of their own while having unresolved issues.... Sad.

For me this is a great motivator as I do desire to have children someday and I want to be the best version of myself when it will be the moment. I am willing to do the dirty hard job of cleaning up the emotional closet and having the conversations now. It is hard and it takes the utmost courage to tell parents uncomfortable truths for them to hear. In the same time I notice that I am healing and that I am no longer drawn to the same type of individuals I once were. Attachment style have deep roots and working on them prior to having kids is super important for me.