I am a bit nervous about the upcoming week. In april this year I was supposed to make a 500 km trip back home to visit under different circumstances. Unfortunately, it did not go as I planned. Although I'm worried, I decided to visit them next week. A 12 hours trip by train in one of the most supposedely infected city by the fluke virus is not something that makes me feel at ease, but I want to see my grandmother and the relatives. I get to make this visit only once per year due to the distance. 1000 km back and forth is not easy. Hopefully it will go alright, it's a visit which always solicited me a lot mentally, emotionally and physically. Cross my fingers 馃Until then, let me introduce you to the latest article from my personal blog. Enjoy!
The chills of ego
I started to think about love after coming across an interesting saying : people love at their level of consciousness. I kept on thinking and analysing these simple yet profound words.
A lot of the times when we're in rough waters when it comes to relationships happen because we don't feel loved as we would need to. We get angry. It can start as soon as we are children. One of our parent or both ignores us, rejects us or belittle us. We lack the experience of being assertive and we instead get angry, rebellious. Growing into adulthood we take those feelings with us. How many of us really had a mature one on one conversation with our parents, telling them the damage they have caused, asking for apologies? Very few, the parent is like a mined field and even if we are grown-ups, there is this myth of not questioning our parents for their actions. A myth which makes a lot of collateral victims.
We can't recreate the perfect childhood, but we have the freedom to sculpt our adult life. The pain of feeling rejected is taken along the way unless things are discussed out in the open. Usually the same parents who caused us harm were also harmed themselves, but that is never an excuse for putting one's head in the sand, pretending everything is alright. Everything is not alright. The anger always gets redirected and usually in our romantic relationships. Have you ever been a rebound for someone who kept angry feelings towards an ex? Do you still stay awake at night thinking if you were ever loved? Have you wondered what did you do to attract those people in your life? What is behind that anger?
Often we can find that we've been a replacement, a punching bag, a collateral victim. We want to believe so hard that maybe, just maybe, a tiny drop of sincere love was in all of that mixture. So some people cling on to the past, keeping memories with exes years after the drama consumed, lying to the current lover. They are stuck in a place of denial. In a place of self inflicted pain. They have the real opportunity for love, but they screw it up. They self - sabotage. I wonder how would those people feel if the roles were reversed so when they will love, the same thing will happen to them. Oblivious to the suffering they create, they persist. Their ego doesn't let them do the right thing. They hold on to things that should be let go and give up things they should have fought for. It's a frustrating spectacle, a replay of the childhood drama. The solution won't be offered by the ego. The ego is never our friend. It will make us adhere to our wrong beliefs just to maintain the status quo. It will make us cover up another skeleton in the closet and pretend it's all ok. Another spectacle will be on its way until the closet fills up. What to do then?
The solution is always love. Trying to direct loving thoughts towards someone who hurt you is the hardest hit for the ego, but it's the wisest thing to do. You don't have to insist to change them, they can only change themselves. You don't have to prove them wrong, they will reach to their own conclusions. You don't have to fight for them, they will fight for themselves. The lack of love we experienced is due to the fact that it hasn't met our needs. Maybe because we were at a different level of awareness. Some people loved you in their own way, even if that meant for you very little. You can forgive knowing that they have a long way to go until they will be able to love the right way. Knowing that it was their inability to cope with their own demons doesn't give them excuses for the harm they did. That's for them to live with. But you can be peaceful knowing that it was all that they could do at that particular moment. We can't love others if we are blinded by the ego. We can't love others if we don't love ourselves. We can't offer what we don't have.
Relationships are a good opportunity to look in the mirror for those brave enough to take the ego mask aside and face their naked truth. The ability to love will depend on how comfortable you are with being naked in front of the truth, in front of the other. If it feels rather chilly now, you've probably wore the ego coat for far too long... The funny thing is that we think we have all the time in the world to wear it, but we don't. Someday, maybe sooner than we all think, the real chills of death will come for good. And buried under piles of dirt, none of your ego will have ever mattered if you've never loved and been loved...
Have a great day and toodle loo!
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