I can't seem to get to that happy place. I don't know what my problem is. I am a husband to a great wife and a father to an amazing son. I have a lot of friends and am involved with 4 organizations that help people in need. I don't worry about bills or the everyday struggles most deal with. WTF is wrong with me? I know I suffer from depression but I'm on meds for it. I have flashes of zen at times but it seems to quickly dissipate. What will make me happy? Can I be happy?
To pick up where I left off on part I, I just saw my mom kissing another guy on our couch while my dad was away.
When my dad got home a couple of days later I told him what I saw. Needless to say, the divorce was imminent. What was really bad for me personally was neither my mom or dad fought for me. They fought for custody of my brother and I just went where he ended up. With our dad. My father was never a nurturing man. He just didn't have that ability. Not entirely his fault but still.
The next few years were awkward. I had less parental guidance and discipline so obviously I got into more trouble. I went from A's and B's to D's and F's within a month at school. I started smoking cigarettes and stealing. Nothing major but it was still illegal. So after awhile of messing up and showing signs of needing someone now more than ever, my dad decided to ship me off to my mom and her boyfriend. That wasn't the best idea because they were too busy smoking weed, drinking and partying to pay attention to what I was doing. So, my behavior got worse. I got into fights almost on a daily basis and started doing drugs and drinking. All before I got my drivers license at 16. Now don't get me wrong. I wasn't the worst person in the world, but I wasn't someone you'd let your kids be around either.
Now, I'm not blaming my parents for anything. I am the master of my own destiny. I am the one who fucked up several times. Me!
I'll pick this up later.
