Once, when my dogs, who were scared of the explosions, started howling loudly, I just started howling along with them. I felt that if I did not give an outlet to grief and despair, it would crush me.

What a painfully beautiful thing to read. My thoughts have been with you, thinking similar things to what you've said in this blog, that you are in survival mode, and what it will be like for you when you find peace and begin to process all the trauma.