When I look back at myself fifteen or twenty years ago, I can only shake my head. I was not the same person I am today. Back then, I was full of pain and grudges. I cried so much that it began to affect my health, especially when I lost my brother. I was always angry and upset, always fighting, always feeling like my entire family and the world were against me. If that young version of me were to see me now, I wonder what she would have said, maybe Well done or just scoffed. Because she will find it hard to believe who I have grown into.
Life has never been easy for me. I trusted people who didn't deserve my love, care, and attention at all, and in return, what did they do? They left my heart scattered and scarred. Loving the wrong people left me empty, confused, frustrated, and weak. As I wasn't getting the love I wanted at home back then, I felt that the only way I would feel complete is if someone outside loved me, but I was wrong, or if my family gave me the validation I was craving so badly. So I kept looking for approval, kept begging to be noticed, and was always hurting when it didn't go my way.
Until one day, I decided to ask myself some questions: Why was I always allowing people to take me for granted? Then I quit looking for validation or love. I started loving myself more, and since then I have had peace. Life always has a way of teaching one a lesson. So many storms came that I thought would destroy me, but every storm that came left me standing strong. I discovered that I was tougher than I knew; despite the heartbreak, frustration, and rejection, I kept pushing forward. Against all odds I became a graduate. You see, that certificate wasn't just a paper to me; it was a motivation that no matter what the world threw at me, I could still rise.
Every time I look back now, I see the turning point. The changes that happened in my life didn't happen in one day; it was very slow. Every tear, every disappointment, and every failure was building me into the elegant lady that I am proud of now. I realized that I honestly don't need people's or family validation to be enough. I stop searching for love outside and learn to love myself. After then I find out that peace doesn't come from people; it comes from within.
I can boldly say today that I am not that same cry cry baby girl anymore. I am no longer angry, sick, or the broken girl who thought life was unfair. Not only that, but I'm no longer chasing after love or trying to prove my worth anymore to my family and people I don't know. I am stronger, wiser, and more outspoken. I am better in a way my younger self never thought possible.
Image are mine.
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