Ever since I was old enough to realize what a sweet racket churches had going on, I've wanted to start my own. Gimme ten percent and I'll put in a good word for you with the boss man upstairs. Buy up an old lighthouse and call it The First Church Of The Light, organize mission trips to coastlines near and far.
All we need is a congregation, I'm already ordained. Thank you, Universal Life Church! Hell, let's make church great again! Put in an open bar and a keno board behind the pulpit, ain't nobody gonna sleep through a service again.
Maybe we should call it the Coasting Church instead. If we do that then it's gotta be in Oregon, it's hard to beat a coastline like that. The lighthouse to people ratio on the coast there isn't too shabby either.
They've even got a miniature lighthouse for people who are afraid of heights!
With Highway 101 right there it's easy to coast on down the coast, would make getting to church a lot easier too.
You may think this is all for the birds but I promise you...
...there's something for each and every one of you.