I spend too much time looking back.
Not the good stuff. The stupid stuff. The mistakes. The things I said wrong. The decisions that made no sense. Even the small shit that doesn't matter anymore. My brain loves to dig it all up and make me relive it.
Said something awkward in a conversation ten years ago? Let's think about that at 3 AM. Made a bad call on something that's long over? Let's replay it again. Did something embarrassing that nobody else probably remembers? Let's cringe about it one more time.
I critique everything. Criticize myself constantly. Should have done this. Shouldn't have said that. What the hell was I thinking. Over and over.
It's exhausting. And it's pointless.
The past is done. I can't go back and fix any of it. Can't unsay the words. Can't unmake the choices. All I can do is sit here beating myself up over things that are already finished.
I need to stop doing that.
When those thoughts pop up I need to start looking forward instead of backward. Stop asking what I did wrong and start asking what I learned from it. What can I do better next time. How did that mistake make me smarter or stronger or more aware.
Every stupid thing I did taught me something. Even if the lesson was just don't do that again. That has value. The regret doesn't.
I'm not saying I should forget the past. I need to learn from it. But I need to stop living in it. Stop punishing myself for being human. I've made mistakes. I have things I wish I handled differently. That's not failure. That's life.
Forward. Not backward. That's what I'm working on.
Easier said than done. But I'm trying.
Anyone else struggle with this? How do you stop your brain from replaying the old tapes?
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Notes:
-All content is mine unless otherwise annotated.
-Images are my own unless otherwise noted.
-Photos edited using MS Paint and/or iPhone SE.
-Page Dividers from The Terminal Discord.
