This last year I had been fighting a battle with depression that took a lot from me.. of which only a select group of people know about.... it was really hard for me to acknowledge that I am in fact dealing with depression especially since I've made it my mission to help people in finding themselves.
But one day after a long time I woke up early and sat myself down.. who am I?
I am a giver, I usually give way more than I have. It makes me happy to see other people happy. I sometimes (read usually) go out of my way to help. This is a good thing you'd think. But it came to a point where I became a people pleaser for the sake of keeping relationships "healthy" and in tact.... and It's not untill I said no and put my foot down for something that didn't sit right with me or went past the boundaries I forgot I had that I figured out that some people will be there as long/only when you fit and stay inside the box that they had designed for you to be in.
Is it their fault tho? My honest opinion says no.... because when you start at the beginning; saying no when you feel uncomfortable, respectfully calling people out on stepping over your boundaries, leaving when the energy isn't right etc.... guess what...? There wouldn't be a box for me to be placed in in the first place.
I can be angry or I can look at myself and ask what caused me to end up in this situation in the first place.... and this is not about blaming me, it's about taking control of the narrative for myself instead of giving that control/power to someone/something else.
And If you're asking why I am writing this now, well I too have received my signs during this battle. Subtle hints out of books, movies and conversations I've had with people. And I hope someone else can find at least one little bit of light in this.
Much love,
Cloé ❤️