Last week we began looking more earnestly at our 'financial situation' and to consider asking for help. A couple of days later we spoke to Vincent's dearest mamma, about a possible loan of funds pending the Arthouse selling. The next day we spoke to our neighbour down the track, Antonio, about the wee house and land joined onto ours, went to visit Corado soon after - and today are waiting for the Gift of the property costs to be wired to us... We are ecstatic, champing at the bit to get started, and going for a shower at the hotel to celebrate!!
The tensions leading up to this happy resolution of our crisis was immense. Vincent and I have both lived 'under the breadline' most of our adult lives, but this has been scraping the crumbs up much more than usual: he convinced me that if we are truly in hardship, his family would help us, but I was not so certain, nor so comfortable with asking for help. I've always somehow managed to make do and mend, forage and find solutions, but these days getting started on our homestead have been extremely trying.
The worst of our situation - for me - has been the lack of comfort, order, cleanliness; men often have a higher tolerance for disharmony in the home, and I am also a good few years older than my partner, and have a far stronger basic need for calm, tidyness, beauty in my home! Living between a brick shed and a tent this past 10 months has been excruciating at times (as I've mentioned in my Hive posts!) - but yes, the next phase is all the more like True Luxury, when stability finally presents itself.
I feel too, that having such a precarious entry into our adventures in sovereignty has brought up a lot of my earlier life 'traumas': times of genuine fear for my life, and very early life experiences of danger and vulnerability. Without conscious attention to suporting oneself and each other to allow primal feelings to rise up and dissipate, a relationship could quite easily crumble. .
We are blessed to be confident in our processes, and (mostly!) able to relatively-effortlessly hold space for the other to 'freak out' about the big situations we're faced with. Recently we were tested to the max though, with dwindling reserves, little to no income on the horizon, and dramatic weather patterns making life in our brick house quite unbearable in specific moments.
Having been through multiple situations in which I might actually not have made it, this 'perfect storm' really brought a lot to the surface. However, it also forced us to speak our needs out more; to be clearer about them, and to speak to the right people about them - and generally to those around us.
When I've been verging on disaster in the past, this has always brought solution: speaking about our needs - not our wants or demands, but our core survival necessities - both in our prayers with the Universe, and with the right, trustworthy folk, has a way of releasing the emotional/ energetic charge on any predicament, thus ultimately freeing up the (way towards the) solution.
God doesn't grant a solution to us like a bancomat: we still have to do the big work - in fact we have to work even harder than before, and to discern better and be more wise and conscious than before! There is no space for slacking or overt passivity, in manifesting a big project like we are doing, in the context of a New Earth being cocreated!
We are adding another ⅓ or so of our current acreage, including a nice-sized 'orto', multiple cherry trees (one possibly as old as 500 yrs!), more mature fig, walnut and an apple tree, a load of wild greens, and some glorious woodland extended from our own.
Plus the house!! Oooh, it is D I V I N E !! A perfect blend of old and not-as-old, solid but botched-together, cosy and traditional, practicality!
We are talking non-stop about what to put where, how to make it function autonomously, when to plant what... It is a LOT to take in, holistically - symbiotic with all the rest of what is unfolding within and around us. We are spinning with new inspiration and enthusiasm and vitality - still effectively with almost-no-financial-resources, BUT with absolutely everything that we need to get started For Real for real!
Cannot wait to share more!
But now is the time for our hotel appointment with the much-needed shower!!
