In English we have the words “perfectionism” and the phrase “don’t be hard on yourself”. There is a wider range of self-demanding behaviour not covered by those terms. Perhaps it’s appropriate to borrow the word “autoexigente” from Spanish, rendering it with English cognates as “autoexigent”.
Autoexigent behaviour and thought patterns are made explicit in some of Albert Ellis’s self-defeating beliefs, for example: “To feel happy and be worthwhile I must achieve, succeed at whatever I do, and make no mistakes.”
In a sense, it’s natural to want things to be better than they are right now. However, this also inhibits us from seeing how wonderful things are right now.
Likewise, if a person wants herself to be better, sometimes she will overlook her own kindness, compassion, and good humour.
To start to get over our autoexigence, one important step is simply to notice when we are behaving or thinking in that way. For example, if we say to ourselves “I shouldn’t be in the park right now walking the dogs. I should be at home studying”, then we can notice the demands we are making of ourselves. Often, awareness of our own tendencies is enough to begin the process of transformation.
