I can't take any more of this madness.
I'm a cosmopolitan man, I require open borders.
I can't survive in this world of restrictions.
I must drink moonshines in thrid world slums with unwashed ex-pats. I must discuss deep esoteric subjects with random Austrian trekkers in tropical jungles.
The old guy across the road isn't cutting it for me anymore. He always tells me the same story. The one about how the neighbor's daughter died from cancer twenty years ago. It was sad. He used to play cricket with her brothers. He went to the funeral. I want to scream. You old prick, you told me this story ten times already. But I don't, because the story is about some stupid girl dying from cancer and it would be inappropriate due to the subject matter. So I just nod my head and say oh you used to play cricket with her brothers oh that's so sad you old asshole!
Let me out!
There's a Chinese girl that works at the convenience store down the road and I've fallen in love with her. She's the only woman I get to talk to that isn't a relative. She doesn't speak English and always giggles and says I don't know. I told her she's cute which may not be true as she's always wearing a facemask. She asked me if I meant cook and I said no cute. She pointed to the packets of pasta and I said no cute. I asked her if she wanted to marry me and make babies and she giggled and said I don't know.
Open the gyms!
There's an outdoor gym in the park down the road. They put yellow tape around it and a sign that says park equipment closed until further notice. I do pullups on the pullup bar there every morning. A middle-aged couple approached me one morning and told me I can't do that. I politely explained to them that I was an anarcho-libertarian. They started acting really nervous and said they were going to call the police.
Please let me out!
I've begun a strange tradition with the house cat. Every afternoon I put it on my lap and grab the fur at each side of its neck. Then I put my nose next to its nose. From that position I rub my nose across its face left and right and say things like I wuv you I wuv you sooo much are you my friend? Are we best friends? You're such a beautiful girl arent you? Aren't you? Do you wuv me?
I really need to get out.
I think this madness has gone on long enough.
I'm a weird person and I need to go to my natural habitat and be with my own kind.
The borders must be opened. Businesses need to resume trading. I must escape this totalitarian zoo.
I will do whatever it takes. I will take the bill gates mind control vaccine. Put the microchip data tracker in my ass already. I accept the mark of the beast.
Just please for the love of the Lord God in heaven please let me out.
