When things fall apart so that they can fall into place.

I am more than 40 years old and I speak a few languages, I know how to eat with a knife and fork and I can correctly pronounce the items on a lunch menu. If I wasn't fat I would have been a catch and you would have wanted to introduce me to your mother.

But age set in and a gay man over 40 is considered past it in our lookist society who measures and judges with the scales of youth and beauty. Slowly I lost my charisma. My charm went next and slowly, as doubt set in, confidence wore thin. I made peace to live a quiet discreet life with a few friends and not to create a fuss.

That was until a few months ago when I fell in love with a former friend. I blossomed. There were breakfasts and champagne and salmon. I got up early and started to diet. Like a tree that survived a (very) long winter, I literally came alive again. Smiles, sunshine and cheesecake. Hugs and midnight calls. Happiness danced like a dervish around me.

And then unexpectedly one evening at 18h45 I was dumped via a text message. Because I am the root cause of this awful sin he has now fallen into. And it is all my fault. Too much levity and too little Leviticus, you see. Within minutes I was blocked on all social media and probably at both the gates of Paradise and Hell.

I was expecting to crumble and implode like an explosive rigged building in a demolition.....only it didn't happen. As I listened to the insults and the disgust, I realized it had nothing to do with me. It was his baggage. His hangups. His fear. Not mine. I am an adult man filled with kindness. I am old enough to know that love isn't supposed to be used to inflict pain and to fleece your lover. And I could walk away unscathed. And alive.

I am so happy about this lesson. It is one that I will never have to learn again. Falling in love with a conflicted person. I learnt that offence, like power has to be taken. It is seldom given. And I learned the joy of walking away without taking offence. I have learnt the power of kindness and how much peace and serenity it brings.

Today I am more confident. I feel more alive and when the right guy shows up, I am ready. Thanks to a text message and some introspection.

Sometimes things have to fall apart before they fall into place. And I am so privileged to have learnt this.

Here's to healthy, monogamous, happy, faithful and joyous mutual love. And a lot of eggs bénédict and champagne, sunshine and laughter.