Empty, yet feels heavy
Have you ever experienced where you feel like you are constantly in need of something that you don't even know?
You feel like you are just a mere empty shell without purpose.
This past weeks, I'm really having a hard time figuring out what is happening in me. I always feel like I am in desperate need of something or someone that could fill the emptiness that lurks within the depths of myself.
I don't even know what made me feel this way.
Is it my choice to pursue different college course instead of what I loved? or The hole left by her still remain empty waiting to be filled again? or Is it my sinister-slash-logical personality taking over me and wants nothing but more knowledge?
I don't really have any ideas as to what I want or whom I miss.
Many nights kept me awake leaving me restless and bombarded by the thought of how pathetic I am to feel completely nothing.
It is definitely hard trying to solve such problem when you don't even know what is asked at the first place. Like an incomplete math problem or a riddle that only give more confusions to the reader that is unsolvable to begin with.
I've been feeling this crazy emotion for a month now. I have tried different ways and solutions that I see fit to fill the "hole" but nothing worked. I tried cooking different recipes everyday I found online yet I still feel incomplete. I tried making various deserts and sweets but I gained nothing. Only carbs and sugars fill my stomach not that something I need. I even tried entertaining kids with age 3-5 years old at home which I seriously don't to be with. But still I get nothing, I am even more annoyed being with them.
This is seriously pain in the ass.
Mendokusai
Being in this state, I feel really sad but without any reason at all. I pretend to smile and laugh like I mean it but no emotion is portrayed. I feel like I'm being fake to others and to myself.
I can't help it. This is what I am right now.
I don't know if this is what depression feels like but I don't have any reason to be depressed at all.
I am always happy. I do things what I want to so I don't have regrets. So I have no reason to be sad. I shouldn't be feeling this way.
I don't know anymore.
😞😞
Hope you all like it. Thank You guys!!
@chrisjayl