Doing the "Quiet Work ". That action that some parents carry out, and which is not necessarily recognised in 100 percent of the cases... It's not that we do it to be mentioned and boast, but this post is to give us a bit of courage and just admiration for our work. You see, it is not easy to be a parent in general. And this has to do with the conventional idea of family: mother and father. Now, imagine doing it all alone?
My whole life changed in December 2014. I was a 22-year-old girl who didn't have the faintest idea how to raise a baby.... I won't go into the details of how that happened; as I suspect we can all imagine how it happened. However, what I will stress is the value of both mothers and fathers (because yes, there are also fathers, men, who have to raise their children alone) who have to carry on with our responsibility, which is not only to "provide for" our children, but to provide them with an integral quality of life.
This last point is fundamental, at least for me it is. The fear I felt when I was pregnant is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Seriously, we need to go deeper into how to teach our daughters how to react when they get pregnant. It is a lesson that no one ever taught me, and in retrospect, I would have loved to have at least theoretically known what issues I was going to face.... Many mothers, when they are pregnant, usually enjoy those 9 months in a state of joy and enjoyment. For me, it couldn't have been more different....
In fact, it was the opposite. Terrifying, full of cruelty and loneliness. My parents rejected me, my daughter's biological father turned out to be a complete moron and useless, and it was through these horrible experiences that I discovered courage and strength in myself. Two concepts that, on the surface, read nice and admirable, but which many people have no idea what they are. So, what does being a mother mean to me? Well, in short, it is temperance, strength; to be a woman who has forced her character but without losing the connection with her own humanity. Tough but fair.
And why this prologue? Well, because today was one of those days when I had one of those so-called "tough" conversations with my daughter. She, as you can see from the pictures, had a carnival parade with her classmates. They all looked too precious. Costumes, laughter, joy; everything was going swimmingly, perfect, but there will always be a fool, always.... One of the mothers of one of my daughter's classmates, indiscreet and disrespectful as no one else could be, asks me, without context, without any previous trust with me, let alone any close relationship with me, the following question: "I always see you at school, and I've asked myself the same question: Does your daughter have a father? Do you have a wife? Because I always see only you".
Obviously, that annoyed me. But I would have been less annoyed if she had asked that insufferable question to me; between two adults, but the indiscreet one did it, being with my 8-year-old daughter; after a magnificent day... Why did she ask me that question? Mysteries of science... The truth is that I didn't answer it (the question), but I got out of the mess with a wry smile and walked at full speed with my baby holding my hand. And mind you, it wasn't that I didn't answer it because I wasn't a coward or incapable, but because I held back so as not to explode in anger....
When we got home, I had an unavoidable conversation with my daughter. Our lives, until now, had not led us to this moment.... But life has rules that are inexorable; one of those "laws" is this: the origin of our lives. A day of fun and joy at school with my daughter, and her little friends, suddenly became grey, difficult and sad. I mean, explaining to a child why there are people who abandon their children? You can imagine my anger, can't you? I took a deep breath, and explained to my daughter the concept of integrity and responsibility. From this experience she learned (I'm sure) the concept of commitment.
It was a little hard for her, I could see it on her face, but I am lucky to have a brilliant daughter. Sometimes, as a single mother, it is difficult to embrace all sectors of our children's lives.... What is inevitable (like the stupidity in the judgement of the person who asked me such a question) will always be inevitable. But we must do the "Quiet Work"; be stoic and continue to encourage the truth (even if it is difficult for our children) and not lose our composure.... To be a mother, to be a friend, to be a companion, to be a confidante; to be my daughter's heroine; to be all that I have to be. Today was this event, but the "Work" is done every day; without rest. Makes you think, doesn't it?
