I ran into a ghost! At the shopping mall for that matter. I saw Sheila first and tried to slowly fade out off her line of sight, but, trust the eagle eyes, she saw me.
"Hi there, Seyi. How are you doing?"
She called out to me as I tried to disappear into another section. She saw me, no point running.
"Hello, Sheila. I'm good, how about you?"
I asked, checking the time on my wristwatch-like I had somewhere to be.
She took my cue and asked,
"Going somewhere?"
"Yes, I have to pick up my son from school. It was nice running into you."
"Same here, Seyi, same here. Errm listen, I wanted to say I heard about what happened, and I'm sincerely sorry. You don't deserve that at all."
I knew what she was saying, but I wanted her to sweat for being a busybody.
"What happened? Where?
I asked, feigning a look of cluelessness.
She rubbed her hands together nervously and chuckled like a donkey braying.
"I mean the, you know what. The whole thing that happened with your husband."
"That's why you are saying sorry? It's not like someone died or anything, love won, love lost, end of story."
"I wanted to pay you a visit then, but I was so busy."
"A condolence visit or what?"
I asked her pointedly with all the disgust I could brew inside me.
"I guess it must still be a sore topic for you. You are a woman like me, I just wanted to reach out then and offer support, I'm sorry I couldn't make it."
I was tired of the hypocrisy, I can't stand two-faced or multifaceted people, they go against everything I represent and Sheila was the chief among them. I could stake my entire life earnings on the fact that she enjoyed everything that happened.
"Okay, Sheila, let me set you straight. I see through your bullshit and I know for a fact that you are one of the people that spread malicious tales about me, though I could never understand why for the life of me.
I'd appreciate it if you owned up to your actions like a boss, stop trying to play, nice, you don't fool me. In addition, the next time you say something like this to me, I just might make a scene."
I turned around with my cart and pushed it right to the counter to pay without looking back, I'm fairly certain she looked at me as I walked away, I could just feel her eyes boring into my back.
Granted, I was a bit harsh, but she deserved it. Sheila used to be my friend from way back in the University, we weren't besties, but we were good friends and were cool. We graduated and ended up settling down in the same town, and we were both happy, at least I was.
Only for my marriage to hit the rocks and she started telling anyone who cared to listen to the details.
Her betrayal hurt more than what happened, I felt humiliation from every angle courtesy of Sheila.
You must wonder why I call her a ghost, it's because she's dead and forgotten to me, and I would die a happy woman if I ever see her again.
"Hey, Seyi, how are you holding up with the kids?"
An acquaintance called to ask me one day. Guess who told her? Yes, Sheila did.
If only she had stopped there, but no, she went and posted the news on the alumni page of the university we attended that my marriage was over. Imagine the shame!
Divorce was not a crime or a disease, no big deal, right? But I come from a part of the world where a woman's worth was determined by her marital status.
"Is that why you left your husband? You badly wanted to dress like a harlot."
One of the many comments I get when I post pictures on social media. Pictures of me having fun or hanging out with friends. The gist of it is that in this particular society, a woman is expected to endure all forms of abuse in the interest of better for herself and her children. Crazy right? My thoughts exactly.
"Why were you grinning when that guy greeted you?"
My ex asked me when we went out for a particular function.
"I didn't grin, he just said something funny and I laughed politely."
I responded in confusion.
"Well, I saw you grinning like a woman of easy virtue. You better behave yourself."
He warned and I could only nod.
I put up with stupid things like that for almost thirteen years, it was part love, part fear.
Fear that if I left, society would blame it on me for not keeping my home. "Every couple has their issues, you just have to learn to manage your home" was their slogan.
"I don't mind compromising, Mum, he's the one. He's not ready to meet me halfway and make changes."
I complained to my Mum, and her response was,
"Men are just wired what way, you have to endure and tolerate his excesses. "
She always says the same thing and I don't blame her, it's the way she was brought up.
I used to be ashamed of attending gatherings of people who knew us as a couple, ashamed of the fact that I was going to be the topic of discussion afterward.
"I'm sorry, Seyi, I can't make it anymore."
Ronke, my friend told me over the phone to cancel our girls hangout for the month.
"Why? Hope you are good."
"Not so good, but I'll be fine. I just have a splitting migraine.
"See a doctor and rest well okay? I guess I'll stay home today. I will pop by to see you later."
"I will, thank you. I'll do just that."
I decided to go alone at the last minute, I just gotten divorced the previous month, and I didn't want to stay at home and mop around the house.
Imagine my surprise when I got to our usual spot at the beach for a picnic and I saw Ronke wolfing down biscuits seated with her husband on the sand.
A confrontation won't do much good, so I left quietly. I was later to learn that her husband had banned her from relating with me cause I showed signs of waywardness, waywardness as a result of living as a single mother.
I lost many of my married friends that way and I was sort of depressed for a while. They stopped inviting me to gatherings we used to attend together and it hurt me.
The consensus rounded here is that a single mother is a slut, and the reason is simple. Most divorced women tend to level up and glow after divorce, and people just assume that a man or some men are sponsoring their lifestyle. If only they knew.
"It's difficult for a woman to get married again after a failed marriage, I want you to think it through."
My mother-in-law said the only time she pretended to try to reconcile us.
I didn't dwell on that, and I moved on. I got better, stronger, more beautiful, and ambitious, and since then, I've been . I used to be ashamed of introducing myself as a single mother cause of societal judgement.
Turns out all I needed was to start making my own money and fending for myself. People who used to mock me for my marital status shut up real quick when I started making my own money.
I'm no longer embarrassed to relate as a single mother, I didn't commit any crime and I am the only one who knows what I went through.
As long as I keep making money, every insult that is directed at me is water off a duck's back. I've developed a thick skin and I don't care anymore.
"How do you cope with the hateful comments you get? I'm not sure I could tolerate things like that."
My cousin asked me one day while she was at my house.
It's very simple, the haters don't matter in the grand scheme of things, they can keep ranting all they want, it doesn't get to me, it's water off the duck's back. The insults just slide down my body to the floor ground because it's no longer new.
I'm enjoying my status now, doing my own thing, paying my bills, and doing the needful. There's always going to be people who hate you for no reason, how many of them are you going to respond to? Just ignore, it it's not my cup of tea say, I'm unbothered, beautiful, strong smart, intelligent ,and very compassionate. When next you think of super heroes, think of me.
