I've been thinking of how to write a mind-blowing piece to commemorate my birthday for a while, but nah, my brain doesn't like pressure. My best pieces are written on the fly, with no preparation whatsoever so, this is not my A game I promise, bear with me. Anyway, here it goes...
Everyone says they are thankful for the gift of life, but it's a statement that holds so much weight, that people don't seem to understand the significance. It's become a common saying, so everyone says it because it's a trend. It's commonly used to caption people's pictures, and I'm not quite sure people understand how weighty it is.
I used to be one of those people, it was just a regular saying, most people say it and that's that. Have you heard the saying that you can never really appreciate a situation until you have been in it? Well, I'm a partial example of that.
The final year was the year that made me completely, and sincerely appreciate the gift of life. Flow with me for a little while, I'm almost there, and I won't bore you, I promise. Okay, I'll try not to, I hope I don't anyway.
This year, I'm grateful, appreciative, respectful, and to put it in another way, thankful for the gift of life. No need to wonder why, I'll get to it.
I had my first born through a cesarean section, my second, that way too and I was in a really bad place just last year. When you've had to lock yourself up in the toilet to mask the premature labor pains of an overdue baby because you didn't want another operation and you can still tell your story, you can't help being thankful. When the empire you thought you were building with the right person crumbles after many years of dedication and total commitment, and somehow, you don't die from high blood pressure and agonizing panic attacks, (never heard of a panic attack that killed anyone yet though), and you can still tell your story, why won't you be on your knees thanking the lord? When you hear that another woman died in the same hospital during a cesarean section, why won't you be thankful? When you are made the villain in your life, and outsiders have the nerve and temerity to judge you, but somehow, you haven't failed the way they wanted, you can't forget to be thankful.
I went into the theatre crying and bawling, cause, the physical pain I could bear, the emotional I couldn't. God! It took hours to get my blood pressure down just so my baby could be taken out of me. The one experience I wouldn't wish on my enemy was when I felt the slicing of my belly. How is that possible? I ought to have been given sedatives. I was actually, the major issue is that I'm resistant to sleeping pills and injections. It takes longer than it does for an average human to kick in than in me. The sedatives had a duration, to enable them to perform the surgery, they couldn't wait anymore. Yes, okay, so, I screamed when I felt the knife slice into my belly and fell into a deep restless sleep. I was conscious mentally, but my body wasn't. It was a terrible experience, I tell you. As if that was not enough, I woke up when the doctor was stitching me up, you don't want to know how painfully crazy it was. I'm thankful again that my ungrateful nature didn't make me endanger my son's life out of my selfishness. He was a little, perfect wee baby and weighed 4.2 at birth. That's massive.
I spent nights thinking of where I went wrong, man, it just didn't make any sense. Tell me why my mother-in-law whom I took as my mother, and had a good relationship with suddenly became my biggest antagonist. We were cool, and everything was great, only I didn't know a lot was happening behind my back. I'll discuss that some other time.
Many nights, I won't sleep, and stay up asking myself what I did wrong, but I was stupid. Silly me forgot I didn't need closure, I had my kids, and two baby boys to show for it. Am I mad? Damn! I've been an ingrate. Matter of fact, I had closure, my handsome boys.
I came back to our residence this year with nothing, broke and stranded. Mind you, he wasn't faring any better. Forgive me, I assumed you must have gotten the gist of it. My partner and I parted ways after a huge fight. Moving on, I took a job, started shuffling stuff together with two kids, and somehow made it work.
Did I say I made it work? Sorry, the job made me work, not the other way around. I was going from juggling being a mother, teacher, and a home keeper. I lost a whole lot of weight, and I was embarrassed of myself. To cut the shit out, I resigned and got to focus on my business, capital made me take a break initially. Oh! The business you ask. I own a drug store, I'm a chemist. When people ask what I do, I tell them I'm a pharmaceutical linguist, lol. Nigeria changed my destiny for me. I had to train to be a Chemist after graduating because the job market was oversaturated.
I worked somewhere else for a brief period, but that's not relevant right now. My ex covered the bills that were expected of him, and I did my part the way I could too.
The void was still there, I was alone with two kids in the house all by myself. The nights were the hardest because the littlest sounds made me jump. I'm getting to the best part, stick with me, please.
And then, I met Jesus, (hallelujah). I've always known that man just wasn't intentional about being connected to him. A friend of mine did that, and believe me, it's the best gift anyone ever gave me. I'm a testament to his awesomeness. I'll tell you all about it soon.
I debated whether to celebrate my birthday or not, but when I sat down to reminisce, I knew it was worth it. I went to a studio with my boys and had a photoshoot. I stayed home with my squad (my boys) today and ordered everything we needed. We had so much fun right here at home. We just stayed in, watched Netflix and chilled. It was an OTF (only the family) kind of celebration, and it was exactly what I needed.
I'm nowhere near where I envisioned, but I'm getting close. What's there to not be thankful for? This new year of mine has begun to herald many good things for me, and I'm fairly certain it's just the start.
When I think of all the opportunities I would have missed if I wasn't alive today, sighs! I contemplated suicide, I won't lie. Dead people don't get second chances to do it right. When I think of the second chance I got to perform great exploits, it's hard to hold back my tears. I am thankful for life. I'm embarking on this new journey with a heart full of praise and a soul full of gratitude.
So when next you want to say you are thankful for the gift of life, I suggest you reminisce deeply and count your blessings, cause it's not a cheap statement. A lot of people have died, and they didn't do worse than us. We were just lucky.
I'm counting my blessings and will always be thankful for the gift of life and my blessings 馃檹
IMAGE CREDITS BY ME.