Okay I must confess that after seeing 
Even if I do it very discretely, I had never seen it as something to do in hiding, afterall, the meat belonged to my mom so it technically belonged to me. Each time my mom would scream, "what happened to the meat in my pot!" and I'll stay silent, I'd been really good at taking it. Sometimes when I go to scoop rice and stew from the pot, knowing fully well that everyone was entitled to one meat, I'll first hide one meat strategically in the mountain of white rice and then pour in stew and another piece of meat standing erect.
As a family who ate together mostly, it had worked out for me most times, because everyone would see my plate of food with one meat standing erect. This had gone on for a while and my mom couldn't understand how her meet kept teleporting out of her pot. But like the saying goes, everyday for the thief and one day for the not so lucky thief and that day came for me.
I had done my usual trick and sat down with a big smile on my face, my other meat hidden perfectly. Then I scooped up rice with the meat, chewed a little and swallowed (I couldn't let them see me chewing too long when my meat was right in the open) hard, but unfortunately for me, this meat was quite huge and I had a very small throat. It got stuck in the middle of my throat to my discomfort. I started to choke, I did everything o could to take it down, ate a spoonful of rice, drank a bowl of water but the meat wouldn't go down.
Everyone one just watched me choke on meat, my mom wouldn't even look at me, she just smiled down on her food and ate away. After much struggle, my dad finally came to my aid and I was saved. From then on, I was banned from entering my mother's kitchen, but then, the meat still always ended up falling short in the pot, and since I wasn't entering the kitchen they couldn't pin it on me and since they couldn't pin it on me, there came my opportunity.
This time I changed tactics, I would sneak to the kitchen in the middle of the night, open the pot and take out any meat, this time I didn't have to eat it whole, I'll just cut bits out of it and put it back carefully, I'll do same to another, afterall, half and half makes a whole. This went on for a while and no one could actually complain that I was actually taking meat from the pot. But then I'm not here to talk about my childhood menace, instead I'm here to talk about my love, yeah love.
Love is actually a beautiful thing, very beautiful thing and you'll be lucky to find love. You can find love anywhere, especially where you least expect it, I'm not saying love hides in weird places like ass holes or inside the ocean but then you can't always find love anywhere, most times you have to search for it and sometimes it finds you, just like that.
I found love for the first time in the year 2015 and funny enough love was dressed as a rich girl who'd come to my church for the first time one Sunday. I didn't know she was a rich girl at first because she didn't quite look it, she had on a weird long skirt that passed her knee and a blouse that I could swear my mom could sew, and she had really long hair which was packed to the back and when she smiled it revealed a disturbing open teeth. But she was quite bearable without the smile, you could use the word cute then.
She sat some seats from me in the same row and our eyes first made contact when a prayer was going on and I was just scanning the girl who's humongous ass kept starring at me. I don't know what made me look right but I did, and I caught her eyes fixed at me, she didn't blink. I scanned myself to see if there was something wrong with me, but then there wasn't, the girl just kept on starring.
After church a little boy walked up to me with a note would you like to go on a date with me?, then she wrote down her phone number, I could see her smile at me from the church's driveway. First thing I uttered to myself was a big NO, but then a big range rover parked in front of where she stood and a chauffeur ushered her into the car and drove away, how could I say no!
We did see alright, a car picked me up from my house and took me to an eatery Tantalizer, where she was seated gracefully on a chair. I had on my best blue jean and a top my cousin had handed down to me during Christmas. I could see her face broaden with a beautifully horrible smile, the worst of it's kind, then I sat down beside her.
We talked for a while and I noticed she actually matched my weirdness, she was smart and had experienced a lot of things that I hadn't. When she asked me what I wanted to eat I didn't know when the word "Chicken" escaped my mouth. Then a plate of a full chicken laps was placed before me, I munched at it immediately not leaving any trace. Then she told me there was dessert and a box of pizza was placed on the table.
I hadn't eaten one ever and I didn't even know what it was. I told her I wasn't going to eat that but when I saw her pick one piece and eat it I could feel my stomach long for a taste, I grabbed one piece and ate away, after that I had another and another till the whole box was empty, then they brought us another, we both ate away.
My stomach was so full that I thought I was going to throw up, but instead strong gas threatened to escape my butt hole. I could feel the vein on my forehead form as I tried with all my strength to hold it, but I couldn't, it was that silent type that was worse than tear gas. The smell alone almost choked me, but I was surprised that she didn't say a thing, maybe she couldn't smell. I became comfortable releasing more of the gas that brewed up.
After we'd talked and played, it was time to go home. We got inside the car together and while we were on our way going, she smiled at me and I heard a sound almost like thunder clapping, only it wasn't thunder it was you know
..phew, next thing I knew the whole car was filled with gas but this time the gas had pepper in it and a mixture of onions and it was worse than a nuclear bomb, i didn't even know when I passed out.
I woke up to see we had arrived at my house. I got out of the car, she followed and while I was about to go in, she held my hand, pulled me back and hugged me. At that moment, I knew I was in love and love had finally found me. After that day I asked her out and we dated for one night, she called me the next morning to tell me that she doesn't like guys any more, that she was Selfosexual ( a phenomenon where you have sexual feelings for yourself).
Thank you for reading this, if you enjoyed it or it connected to you in a way, I invite you to drop a comment, I'll be glad to reply and Upvote for more content ❤️
