This first quarter has been a lotttt. It has tried me. So many times, I've found myself confused and angry, trying to make sense of things and to rethink all of the decisions that I have had to make, which brought me to that point.
Image is mine
In January, I moved. Out of the house of my relatives whom I was staying with/ had been with for the past academic year. Staying there was good for me. I mean, I was comfortable to an extent, I lived quite well even though it wasn't as great as I would want for this phase of my life.
I had thought about it all thoroughly, weighed my options, calculated the pros and cons, and, very importantly, the financial implications that this decision would have on me. And by my calculations, although it would be a big leap, I should be able to scale through.
Amidst knowing how difficult things may be, I was far concerned about the academic and personal gains for me in the end. It was supposed to be a huge step upon which all my other goals would stand.
But as they say, things don't always go as planned. Or, maybe, as i have come to think of a couple of times, this is just all new to me and is challenging.
Long story short, I moved into the new place, and for a moment, with all the demands of the new place and my own goals, I felt stiff. What aggravated it all for me is having to share the same space with someone. I have a roommate, by the way. And really, it wasn't in my plans to share space with anyone. I like my space, I like how I do my things and how I keep my things, and being with someone must somehow change that. And even though the plan was to be flatmates, this other person had a financial crisis and couldn't meet up, hence the change of plans. So, somehow, I felt suffocated. I know i made my roommate a little uncomfortable too. She must have felt uneasy by own unease.
And then there was this other issue that was the worst of it all that made me restless all day long. An issue I may not be able to go into details about but one that had me thinking like I'd never done my entire life.
Well, well... I couldn't keep sinking and losing strength all around, so I had to forge ahead anyhow. Good for me, I may not have it easy yet, but it's better now.
I've been actually faring fine, but I sort of derailed from my academic goals. At the beginning of this semester, I had written out what my result should be, and I already had mapped out how I hoped to study to that effect. But procrastination and laziness got the better of me. And although exams are approaching and I'd be able to cover up things, I feel so mad at myself for not going by the original plan cause, then, everything will be reviewed and smooth sailing now. But it's good.
I've learned a few things so far. Interestingly, I've started out new things, and I'm picking on new habits that I'd only previously imagined/thought about. I'm far more intentional than I'd always been, and I do see myself smashing most(if not all) of my goals this year. Great sturv, yeah? I know!!!!
Thanks for gracing this post.
Greetings!
