This was a piece I wrote 2 weeks ago, on the wee hours of Sept 4th, for #WorldLetterWritingDay.
i am having a hard time sleeping tonight. usually, with the help of my trusty sleep mask, i would just keep lying in my bed until i start feeling sleepy. most recently, when waiting for my exhaustion to reach its peak wouldn’t work, i would sing Neverending Story by Stray Kids in my mind, and then i’d find myself calming down and willingly drifting to sleep (i’d probably blog about the beginnings of me fangirling over Stray Kids and becoming a full-fledged STAY, maybe when i get less lazy.). but, all my trusty methods have been unsuccessful tonight, so, here i am, dusting off my cobwebbed mind palace and hope that my claims of being a wordsmith are not about to be debunked by my currently rusty writing skills.
so, here we go.
ok can i just emphasize this disclaimer. i haven’t been writing my thoughts for…maybe more than a year now. most of the writing i have done lately have been for work, so…have i mentioned that i may be rusty? ANYWAYYYYYY.
let me admit this early on that, this sucks. the past few days, i have been waking up so early (4am-ish) to study. and by the end of my shift at work (6pm), i’d be crawling aggressively towards my bed so i could catch up on sleep. this is why i have been looking forward to the weekend, because by then, i have the right to disable my alarm. but, nope, it looks like i am going to be up at least for a considerable amount of ungodly hours so…maybe it’s time for me to update this blog and start writing again. (more on why i stopped bothering to write…maybe next time…when i get less lazy…again. hehe.)
i found out this morning (september 3rd) that it was #WorldLetterWritingDay last september 1st. apparently, september 1st is that date when people are supposed to campaign for the greater appreciation of the more traditional way to communicate — that is, via pen and paper. i understand the clamor behind wanting to “revive” this lost art, especially with most of our everyday lives evolving and having been characterized by all things digital. i, for one, am very much biased towards digitizing things…because typing is so convenient and i have always disliked my penmanship.
it is already september 4th in my side of the world. but, let me publish my entries for this year’s #WorldLetterWritingDay. i hope to communicate these entries through my handwriting, of course, since that’s what the hashtag is all about. but, let me just cheat my way through this for now, and maybe i can transfer all these on paper soon, when i get the chance (read: when i am no longer lazy hehe).
i miss you. i still do.
even on days when i think i don’t, i still do. of course, i still do.
even and especially during those days when i am convinced that life without you is surprisingly bearable already. i’d eventually realize that i am just becoming good at compartmentalizing. because in the midst of a gloomy weather or at the end of an exhausting work day, your shoulders will always be my first choice to bury my face (and all my cares in this world) in.
yes, even on those rare days when reality becomes better than my dreams. that faint realization that my present (and future) no longer includes you, makes me dread coming-back-to-earth and coming to terms with living in this universe — where we both still exist, but…differently…so differently…this time.
i will always be thankful that i exist in the same timeline as you do.
i am a writer, a wannabe legendary wordsmith at that, but when it comes to conjuring words for and about you, i am…rendered speechless. it goes without saying, to be stunned and to be unable to conjure the most worthy words, these comprise the rightful and inevitable response in the presence of a brilliant storyteller (you).
rooting for you has always been one of the easiest things to do, not just for the most obvious reasons, but above all, because you are all kinds of awesome. the realest, the most beautiful…and…here i am again, running out of the best and most-fitting words.
whatever you decide, i am not abandoning you. i got you and you got me, always. soulmates.
for one more day, i wish you were here with me, with that very assuring “i’m here” that you tirelessly declare to me, hugging ny entire being as we convince ourselves that our chances of survival are greater when we’re together.
for one more day, i wish we are each other’s light again, thriving even in the darkest of places that we’d find ourselves in.
for one more day, i wish i had you to come home to after the most horrible of days.
for one more day, i wish i’d top the list again of people you’d run to when you need a safe haven.
for one more day, i wish we are, hand in hand, navigating through the unfamiliar waters of this pandemic, scared, but together.
for one more day, i wish we’d shamelessly cry buckets of tears of joy as we celebrate each other’s victories.
for one more day, i wish we’d be in each other’s arms again, silently nursing our wounds caused by painful (hopefully temporary) defeats and then, boldly embracing our battle scars.
for one more day, i wish the universe would find us worthy again to be each other’s partners.
for one more day, i wish our lives would intertwine again and our paths would cross again.
for one more day, i wish you’d choose me again.
i have never really had a lot of people choose me. and not many people have been willing to stay, in the long haul, for me and with me. but you, you once did. you once stayed. for that, for choosing to do the unthinkable over the logical, for choosing the complicated over the simple, for choosing the surprises of an adventure over the promised safety of a dormancy, thank you.
i’d understand, however, if you’d prefer to choose yourself and rather choose to give that one more day to yourself. that’s probably the bestest and wisest thing to do.
besides, the stars and the constellations may have been signaling for a while now that i’ve got to stop my relentless wishing soon. i may have to concede eventually, or else, the stars may start getting sick of me and choose to…instead of bringing you back to me…refuse to shine for me in my darkest days. i wouldn’t want that. and, i’m sure you wouldn’t want that too. after all, we used to be each other’s person.
maybe, in a parallel universe, we are each other’s person again. maybe there, we are each other’s bestest part of the day again.
tahan na. 🙂
