One of the aspects that I mainly point out in marriages is what is said and how it is said, since the "Highlighter" syndrome is common, which is characterized as the word indicates, in highlighting the improvable as something negative, always remembering it and making it look more exaggerated than it is. For example:
She says: "She never helps in the house", I also work, maybe I do not keep the schedule he has. But I do have to get to dinner, review the children's chores, do the job, put the washing machine and overtake next day's lunch.
He replies: How NEVER, what happens is that you do not see when I help to bathe the child and when I pick up the toys. You only realize that I sit watching TV and as you said I never help, because now I do not do anything, because if I do something you complain and if I do not do it too, then I take the floor and lock myself to watch my TV quiet.
This story allows us to reflect:
1.- The adverb «Never» is misused in this case. And the same happens in most relationships, however it is used a lot, especially when claims are made.
2.- Avoid highlighting what is not done or the error that is committed; on the contrary praises the positive action no matter how small it seems or expresses previously and assertively: You would make me very happy if at night while I make dinner you help me ..., then motivate with a positive reinforcement saying: that would give me time to go to bed earlier and anything could happen in privacy!
3.- Almost always we are so busy seeing what the other does or does not do, that we do not realize that we are also wrong and that the solution is at hand.
