...when you just can't fall asleep. It's 1:20 am and I'm supposed to get up in four hours for work. Fuck.
Remember how I said I would use alarm on my naps? Well, I didn't, because I was reading a book and fell asleep. And now my night sleep is ruined again. Is sleep deprivation a legit reason to come late to work? It should be, because the lack of sleep is in fact carcinogenic and highly correlated with Alzheimer's desease.
Been trying to read, taking CBD, and listening some ASMR videos. Yes, I watch them time to time, they might seem weird, but they do have a relaxing effect. Except now nothing seems to work. I just stare my blank eye lids like a living dead.
I do have some idea what's going on, but frankly it feels too personal to start digging into that right here. So what's the point of even mentioning it? I don't fucking know...
What do we even know about ourselves? Most of our motives driving this bag of meat called body are completely unconscious. This thing just keeps doing its thing, pumping blood, sending hormones - never asked if I like it or not. Now, I don't know why does it want me to keep me awake. Is there some acute problem that needs to be figured out?
You know, you might've realized how bizarre it is that inside someone's head there's a brain that makes zillion impulses, therefore making it seem like... human. But for some reason you never think about it on yourself – and then I realize that every experience and thought is because I have 1,3 kg of this squishy stuff behind my eyes. What the fuck's going with that? I might sound crazy, and I very well might be; who knows what kind of stuff is smoldering under the surface. You'd think you'd know that for yourself, but nah, ain't that the case. Ask Freud, he would agree. No, don't dig him from the grave – just go to one of your lucid dreams.
Fuck, actually got up at 2 am just because I had these funky pictures of my aunt's cat, Tiuku, that I thought would fit with this "post", if that is a fit description for these fiddling letters made with a very disorientated brain that is perhaps experiencing a existential crisis towards its own nature. Maybe the lady at the workplace was right when saying that "don't think too much".
"I got up 2 am to edit a picture of my aunt's cat, I think I have a problem."
Sounds like one of those phrases that would instantly be followed with a prescription for drugs of some kind to mess up more with this blobby jellyfish between my ears.
I caught Tiuku with a hilarious expression though: just when taking a picture she happened to yawn.
At least I get some Steem for this, though it very well might be the case I wouldn't have this problem if it wasn't for Steem. One of those egg-chicken problems. No, I think they actually solved it, I'm pretty sure it was chicken first. I'm not the scientist here though, so don't take my word on it. Make a mental note:
THIS SOURCE IS HIGHLY UNRELIABLE
2:30 am, fuck.... way too many fucks in this post, fuck...
