Yesterday I said goodbye to my best friend Champ.
The day I met Champ, I left my home with the intention of getting a pet rabbit. I had a wonderful pet rabbit, Donnie, who had passed away a few months prior, and I decided I wanted an animal companion again. I went to several places that day, played with a few bunnies, and decided I’d sleep on it and make a decision the next day. On my way home, my lady friend suggested we make one last stop: a local pet store so she could play with some puppies.
There were 8 puppies in Champ’s litter, the most adorable Cairn Terrier-Dachshund mixes you’ve ever seen. Each one cost more money than I had to my name, but I didn’t see any harm in spending some time with 8 adorable puppies.
The store owners brought us to a fenced-in play area with all 8 of the puppies. As soon as the owners locked the gate, 7 of the puppies immediately ran over to the entrance,and were falling over each other trying to peek over the top or climb out. The 8th puppy walked away from the group toward the corner of the pen and found the only toy in the whole play area: a small blue tennis ball. He promptly picked it up and brought it over to me. I tossed the ball, he chased it down, and brought it right back. Reason and logic left the room, and ten minutes later I was calling my bank to increase the limit on my credit card from $500 to $1000 so I could plunge myself into some debt.
That’s what it took for me to bring home Champ, and of course, the blue tennis ball.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1517225246583148544
- i
From that day forward, Champ continuously exceeded all expectations I had ever had for a pet. He was the kindest, smartest, most well-behaved dog I have ever met. He was universally loved by everyone who had the chance to meet him; Champ is the only dog I’ve ever heard other dog owners regard as the “best dog ever”. There are no fewer than 3 towns in New Jersey in which Champ is undisputedly more popular than me. Locals know his name from 100 yards away, and often need a reminder, or completely avoid having to say mine. And rightfully so, I might add. Only one of us was particularly remarkable.
In return, my family and I did everything we could to give Champ the best life possible. Any time we offered Champ a unique experience for him to enjoy, he maximized the opportunity. And it was easy to spoil Champ, as he so obviously deserved it. It only seemed fair and just.
Unfortunately, we can only control so much. In August of last year, Champ fell ill. Over the following months, life continually dealt him one of the cruelest hands I can imagine. Veterinary appointments, overnights at animal hospitals, specialist visits in 3 different states, multiple biopsies, IV treatments, numerous infections, and several different diagnoses. A dog that was perfectly healthy and happy in July, had doubled in weight, gone completely blind, and was suffering from kidney failure by December. It only seemed unfair and unjust.
Despite all of this, true to his name, Champ handled this like a champ. He adjusted to his new reality so admirably, better than I could’ve possibly imagined. Despite being fully blind, suffering from muscular atrophy, and doubling in weight, Champ still found a way to continue doing what he loved. Even chasing tennis balls.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1517225847266103297
- i
As he needed, my family and I dedicated all of our extra time, energy, and efforts, into making Champ as healthy, happy, and comfortable as possible. $20,000+ dollars in vet bills and making sure someone was available to him 24/7 may seem extraneous, but again, anyone who has ever met Champ would agree it was an easy decision. Any amount of time I was able to spend with Champ was a blessing, and it never once felt like a sacrifice. Just lending myself to someone who had given me more than I could have ever imagined.
As the months wore on, Champ’s kidney failure resulted in numerous infections, increasing in frequency and severity, especially since the turn of the new year. In January, the chronic nature of Champ’s diseases was confirmed, and the hope of a cure and complete turnaround faded away. All efforts were refocused on delaying the inevitable, so long as Champ was happy and comfortable.
Early this week, things took a notable turn for the worse. And in hindsight, and I know this sounds ridiculous, but yesterday, I truly believe that Champ woke up and knew his time had come. He was refusing to eat, refusing to engage, and suffering in ways he hadn’t before. The only thing he communicated that he wanted to do, was lay outside in the sun. So we did exactly as he wanted; for 10 hours or so I didn’t leave his side.
As the hours passed Champ was notably wilting, but still seemed to find some solace when I reminded him of my presence. I spent the day reminding him how much I love him, how much he means to me, how thankful I am for him, how much I learned from him, and how much I’d miss him. We “watched” the sunset together, as we had so many times. And finally, last night, April 20, 2022, at roughly 8:45pm, I made the choice to say goodbye to my best friend.
I could have opted to hospitalize him for another week, force flush his kidneys with intravenous fluids and hope it would make him feel a bit better again. At best we’d be delaying the inevitable a little longer, but there was no guarantee it’d help him at all, and the risk of prolonging his suffering outweighed my yearning for more time with him.
It was by far the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. I can only hope it’s the hardest decision I’ll ever have to make. It’s the saddest I’ve been in a long, long time. It only makes sense; someone that made me so happy whenever they were around, won’t be around anymore. Being sad about that makes sense.
The brightest lights burn out the fastest, and Champ was a star in his own right: bright enough to make him the center of your universe. I’m forever thankful for his presence in mine.
3/24/15 - 4/20/22
On a personal note:
Champ has been my only priority over the past few months, and I’ve had a hard time keeping up with anything else. My mental bandwidth, physical health, and personal availability have certainly suffered. I promise I’m not complaining; I’d do it again every time if faced with the same decision.
That said, it’s been difficult not being able to meet people’s expectations of me, and even my own expectations of myself, without feeling comfortable with sharing the reason why. So this post is meant to accomplish a few things. Beyond immortalizing my memories of Champ on the blockchain, I want this post to offer a reason, not an excuse, but a reason as to why I’ve been relatively flaky over the past several months in all walks of life.
To those it has adversely effected, I’m truly sorry, and I hope you understand.
To those who continued to support me in any capacity, I’m truly thankful.
Everyone who continued to show up and hang out during TSTuesdays, you helped me more than you know. I always left my streams feeling better than when I started. Playing games, making fun and informative content, and helping others who seek it, are some of the things that make me happiest. And I’m excited to get back to that in full force.
1<3
-caution
