Thanks @honeydue. Yes, he is right, but @owasco is also right.
We are all a work in progress. Some of us achieve phenomenal things.
Some of us just put one foot in front of the other each day, get up, breathe, and survive.

Were I to see
the better me
I could be actually be,
Would that be a torment, a punishment, a hell?

I married into Catholicism,
and the self-loathing is an easy fit, LOL.
Some parishes, every week, pray this out loud together,
with a fist to the chest three times in a row for our grievous faults.

Confiteor

I confess to almighty God
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have greatly sinned

in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done
and in what I have failed to do,
through my fault,
through my fault,
through my most grievous fault;
therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin,
all the Angels and Saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.