Ohhh I'm so sorry. We write of our grief, and others read of our grief, nodding, knowing.
And sobbing themselves to sleep.
Oh I feel for you!!!
Yes, of course, I prefer to read of miracles and happy endings.
My unpublished fairy tale is that a brother who was shot down in Vietnam IS NOT DEAD and after 20 years, his sister finds him.... how does that work, forgiving a guy who played dead... maybe that's why I can't publish it. Except, she immediately forgives him, and blocks out the obvious (he was alive for 20 years and did not come back! He let her believe he was dead!).
My sister was missing for months, and we never got to see her body, so in my mind, she was in Witness Protection somewhere, and we would one day see her on TV when it was safe to reenter the world....

I cannot imagine my son dying in my arms.
That is a sorrow far too profound for anyone to have to live with, and yet you live on, and I for one am very grateful to have you soldier on in this world of woe. And I call upon Niko and Bruni to join me in my lonely dog walks, hoping that our lost loved ones really do live on, in spirit, and that they can multi-task. My sisters might (logically) watch over their daughters, not me, but then again, they may be empowered after being liberated from the physical body, and they may see what they need to see (Stay out of the bathroom! And don't watch me crying over you!)....

Poetry may be better than novels and movies for conveying the sorrow and loss you know too well.
Short bursts.
Who can endure the long slog of the novel....?
The loss!
But we go on.... and we hope to be reunited in a next life.
Believing it possible is the only way some people can cope.
Live on, Niko...! Not just in your mother's memory, but in another dimension, not far from us....