Ohhh heartbreaking, and also amazing, that you grew up to be so vibrant, reasonable, rational, kind to others, and tolerant - none of the petty, mean things your dad did have come to characterize you. That alone is something.
We tend to marry men like our fathers, and men tend to marry women like their mothers.
May the abusive, angry brand of husband/father go the way of the dodo bird and the T-Rex.
How many generations does it take for natural selection and civilization to end the tyranny?
I'm so sorry you grew up with that dread of setting off the anger.
If these fathers were awful ALL the time, it might be easier. When they have smiling, happy moods alternating with the anger - that kind of inconsistency may be worse than just dealing with consistent badassery.
You have overcome! You have triumphed; you have dropped the torch that must not be carried from generation to generation.
Also love the photos