Dirty Habits

of all things to leap out at me, this one did.
Tell us more about these dirty habits.
Ok, then I got to this part:

I am tired. Of life, of living different versions of myself each day. I'm scared of bringing children into this world. There's so much pain here. People are cruel to fragile things. It would gore my heart out to see my child broken by life. It would make me insane. It terrifies me, what I will do to prevent such a thing from happening. The effort involved wearies me.

I hear you. I feel for you.
"this too shall pass" - this weariness, this anxiety -

So many books out there. Someone urged me to read Anthony de Mello's "Awareness" when I was still a young mother of three. Then, someone urged Eckharte Tolle's "Power of Now" on me. The three kids are now adults, earning their own living, far from the nest. They survived to adulthood!

I wish there was someone who understood. I wish I could explain these things better.

I can't claim to know how you feel, but your words strike a chord, and it all sounds all too familiar to me. "Been there," and still there, in so many ways.

You are not alone - however alone you may feel.
That's the thing I keep telling myself, as well.
Others "know" the presence of God ("what a friend we have in Jesus") -
I reach out to strangers online.
And yes, I too "feel lighter" after doing so.
Bless you!