Hilarious, indeed, a fun read, just what we need - and now YOU need more walking trails, or better marked and maintained trails near you. Hardly ever outside - surely when the dust settles and you clear out the detritus other people left behind for you to contend with, you'll get out more. (And pay homage to a Maine Coon named Romeo.)

I thought male calicos were extremely rare, almost nonexistent, and writing workshoppers denounce "female calico" and redundant, and even WHITE HORSE as incorrect: all "white" horses are actually gray. Riiiiiight. And bluebirds are really black. I don't care if this is scientifically true. We perceive white horses and blue bluebirds, and I'm sticking with that.

When I got to the part about leaving town already, I was really hoping this one is 100% fiction. :) You just couldn't get yourself evicted, and not that soon!