His smile! His charisma shines through every photo. What a shock to "take his hand and accompany him until his last heartbeat here on this earth... he was only 40 years old." Brutal. A father! A husband. (Maybe a "cheater," but still, you're the one he married.) I feel your pain. And I love your insight:

just look for a hand, it is very difficult to get out alone, but above all you must make a decision, and only you can do it. Yes, you can do it.

Look for a hand to help you up, out of the dark place, the sorrow, the loss. Enter again the land of the living.

Wishing you and your son many years together - - time does not heal all wounds, it only leaves scar tissue, as Rose Kennedy said, but you are on the path. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing this!