I hear you.
For me, the Catholic view of the "Community of Saints" and the honor and esteem for Mary are two things that make it better than the Fundamentalism I was raised with. But I've read about Zoroaster, who preceded Jesus by at least a thousand years, and I have never felt any sense of Jesus accepting the invitation to come dwell in my heart... (Fundamentalist or Catholic versions, it's the same non-result).

I'm glad you feel the love of God and all that - it's very hard to see when surrounded by animal abuse, child abuse, endless examples of man's inhumanity to man - but you've also seen the grand, glorious, joyous side of life, and so have I, and this is what we treasure in our hearts. Not the cruelties, not the transgressions, but the many many good things we've witnessed.

#StillTrying!