fuck holidays

When I was younger I never used to feel like this, but as you get older things change and not always for the better. As a young kid up until i was around 21 my grandmother always had thanksgiving and my entire family would come. Some of them it was the only time I ever got to see them it was a great time. we would all sit around the wood stove in the basement smoke, drink and have a good time. About four years ago my grandmother lost her house solely because of her addiction to slot machines. She has become a money vacuum and it's hurting my family and i don't know how to fix it. It's really aggravating but how do you yell at your grandmother and say your'e fucking up. I had to buy her cigarettes this mornings but then somehow magically has money for the slots. My mom had thanksgiving at her house this year it was nice but being the depressed piece of shit I am i showed up late and missed some of my family and could barely even eat. In the last month ive put two new holes in my belt. Getting older is absolutely miserable more funerals less birthdays. I understand why some old people are sad and others are angry and hate everything