There are a lot of things to be anxious about in life, but none compared to the little thing chewing at the back of Julie’s brain. It sat beneath her skin, at the base of her skull, and it was real. She could hear the little munching noise it made, even as she stood in line to receive her tickets for a whale watch. The traffic out to the ocean had been horrific. She had expected something nasty, but what she got was even worse. All the while, both her boys claimed they were about to wet their pants if they didn’t get to a potty this instant.
The sea breeze turned Julie’s attention to the docks. The Captain’s Lady was humming and waiting to depart for Stellwagen Bank. Beyond that was the mouth of the river and further beyond lay the Atlantic. She couldn’t deny that she hoped a few hours at sea, out of sight of the land from which the chewing things came, would offer her some relief.
She turned and saw she was second in line. A couple that looked about her parents’ age were in front of Julie and her two hopping, whining boys. The wife wore a serene, shit eating grin as she looked to one side so that she could watch Julie from the corner of her eye. Her look sent judgement down to the younger woman for the disheveled and disorderly collective comportment that followed her wherever she roamed.
There was another window at the ticket booth and someone sat within it, her head turned down to some task. Julie tried to get the girl’s attention by straining her neck, hoping that maybe a second line would form. All she really wanted right now was a toilet and the closest one was on that boat.
The danger was real. No doctor could find the damn thing chewing open the top of her spinal cord, but everyone needed to consider that Julie had never cried wolf before. She was raising these kids on her own and she had no time to indulge in Munchausen game play. To be honest, no one did.
A slight scimitar of red lined the bottom of a cloud. It had cut deeper into its prey in only the few moments she had been standing here, sweating in the heat and withering beneath the cacophony of the boys and the slow, contented grind of tiny teeth stripping away her flesh from the inside out. That’s right, no one had time.
The husband of the couple in front of Julie tossed her the kind of warm and flirtatious smile only an old man could pull off.
“Are you trying to get ahead?” he laughed.
His expression said might have had mercy and let her through, had it not been a teaching moment.
“Don’t worry.” the wife said to Julie. “The boat isn’t going anywhere without us. Everyone is in such a rush all the time. Aren’t you on vacation?”
Yes, of course. This Buddha in a sun hat was one of those “smell the roses” types who relished the opportunity to hijack some busybody’s life for a moment so that she may, if you please, use it to demonstrate her own peace of mind. What did it matter? The sky was leaking red and Julie’s older son was leaking urine. A dark stain grew at his crotch.
At last Julie got the tickets and got her brood all aboard. She tried her best to clean the stains and eventually the boat slipped through the waters near the bank. A humpback’s tale appeared above the surface before it dove deep for food. A few minutes later, it breached close to the boat and splashed down with sufficient force to rock the vessel.
This pleased everyone. The captain gave the whale some space, but it appeared again and sent another wave beneath the hull. Julie and the boys leaned over the railing and watched its ghostly form, looking green and blue just a few feet below the water, pass beneath them in perfect silence.
The first thought that came to Julie was: did they know? She liked to think they did. It would mean that she had found some kindred spirit. She wished she could live at sea. She was certain it was the safest place.
When the ship headed back, Julie and her boys sat in the cabin and ate their snacks. She would never say so, but she hated the way the older one ate his cookie. Maybe hate wasn’t the right word. It terrified her.
As he chewed, a cascade of crumbs tumbled off his chin. She would have preferred that he consume the whole thing in one merciful gulp. The crumbs reminded Julie of how her hair came out in clumps when she ran her fingers through. The end of it all wasn’t going to be pretty, not with all the bits of civilization left in dusty piles.
Julie knew it meant to let her live. It was a parasite after all and she was a good host. Calm people such as that woman in the sun hat were worth only a temporary residence before killing them and moving on. Once the world was reduced to rubble, only the nervous, sleepless people would be left to tend to it.
She couldn’t think about it anymore. She found the head and slid the door open, but was startled to find it occupied. The woman in the sun hat was there, heaving over the sink. She turned and Julie saw a thin red curve along the woman’s face. It’s edges were smooth, as if cut by a scalpel. The red was not blood. It pulsed. It was light. Julie recognized that light.
“How do you manage?” said the older woman. “I see them everywhere.”
Different people experienced the parasites differently. Julie realized the hosts survived in different ways also. She couldn’t help but broadcast her intense anxiety into all the spaces around her. This other woman had chosen to fight it, and found herself failing.
Julie helped her navigate the rocking ship and sit back in the cabin. Before too long, these women would be spending a lot of time together.
