So I’ve been back posting Daily for more than 2 weeks here on Hive. This is after several years of lurking. Posting 7 posts in 2022, and 6 in 2021. I was always around, i popped in and checked out posts and voted occasionally, but for the most part was absent.
Ive been trying to think about the Whats and why’s of not being active. It was partly due to just being busy. After so many changes brought on by Covid, my life and family had to adapt, during that phase of adaptation i just didnt have the bandwidth to be posting regularly. Well thats a kind of half truth. It’s true. But i think if my heart was in it, i would have found the time.
I guess the bigger truth was that i was really into being a Steemian. I was never here for the money. I wanted an alternative to the mainstream social media that make us into the products. I really believed in the narrative (and still do) of having more control over and getting more benefit from my output. Not just giving it away to facebook, instagram, twitter, tic toc, whatever corporate money suck. I desperately wanted an alternative. Steem was that for me. I was a presenter at both krakow steemfest and Thailand.
I was passionate about Steem, i was passionate about creating videos for dtube and making connections with real people who sought similar goals of a more fair distribution of energetic, financial and overall control of ones content.
Steem wasn’t perfect, but it felt like mine, like ours.
I made so many connections and friends from 2017 through 2020. It all held a special place in my existence as it was Steem that got my creative self. I had a job and a boring real life. But on Steem… i was Buttcoins, almost like a secret double life where i could be whatever i wanted.
I like to think i brought openness, fun, creativity, positivity and an overall vibe of saying ‘Yes’
So when the Justin Sun saga happened with all its aftermath… i kept trying, but i could never quite slip into the Hive change. I made plenty of videos in that first year of Hive. But i really felt i had lost something.
And I wasn’t a huge fan of all the in fighting. I had always been a dtuber… but now dtube was being seen as bad guy 
I dunno… i just feel i lost a lot of gumption and i could not flip it around and feel like i belonged in/to Hive.
I knew it was mostly the same community, but i had lost my spark.
It seems like for forever i kept saying, im gonna jump back in, im gonna start doing daily post again and rediscover the community. But it just always got pushed, or i started and just immediately stopped again. My own little ground hog day of im gonna do it later when the time is right, but it kept not happening.
Well here i am finally. After 2 weeks of regular posting and re-creating the habits for content creation, i find myself debating going to #Hivefest
A few have asked me, ‘why’ you’re not so active, you haven’t engaged much with hive. Why go to Hivefest Mexico? Simply put. I want to Feel Hive.
Going to 2 Steemfests was powerful for me. It brought the digital to the face to face. It made it real. I felt it.
I want the same for Hive. I haven’t changed. I seek the same sovereignty of my creative output. I want a world where we the people run and shape the social media environment that we engage with. Whether it will ever be, i dunno, but i want to at least be part of trying to have that… the alternative is just more of the zuckerfucks mining our metadata and controlling our attention desires.
I want to believe in Hive like i believed in Steem. Not like some blind follower, but as a builder. To me, hearing that Hive would be in Mexico, the neighbor country to where i live in Guatemala… it felt like a sign.
And so it goes, here i am, rediscovering this community and working toward arriving in Mexico to see and FEEl HIVE
