One of the things I’ve come to notice that people have normalized is their anger and the way they lash out, doing some pretty crazy things. Then, they refuse to accept that these things are bad. They know for a fact that what they did isn’t cool, but they simply cover it up all under the banner of “it was just anger” as if that makes it all okay. But then, we both know that it doesn’t.
One thing about me is that I would never respect people who don’t exercise control over their words and actions when they’re angry. They say all manner of things, and then expect you to just forgive and forget when emotions have come down. That is something I would never accept. Because, for me, unlike everyone else, I really believe the things people say when they are angry.
As a matter of fact, the things you say when you’re angry are more true than when you’re not angry and are in better control of your emotions. In anger, you say things to hurt the other person, but the only way you can say that is if such things have been stewing inside you before that day. It’s always been there, you’ve just been better at hiding it.
That’s why, when you get into fights with close friends, note the things they use to attack you, because that will tell you what they really want for you. We’ve heard of the mother who tore up her son’s passport in anger just before he was to travel abroad for an international scholarship. That didn’t come from nowhere, she never wanted him to go. That’s just the truth.
What about when you’re arguing with someone and they bring in something totally unrelated to the argument? You could be having a heated argument about cars, and then you’re suddenly told that everything is not about being beautiful, but also about having brains. Then you wonder, how did beauty and brains come into the conversation? The things people say and do when they are angry tell a lot about who they really are.
The truth is, if you really want to have a chance at a quiet and good life, you just need to learn to control your emotions. Because if you’re unfortunate enough to be controlled by them, you will head yourself to ruin. But the worst is anger. I really marvel at people who stay friends with perpetually angry people. Like, there are people who rarely smile, always shouting, and they are mad about one thing or the other. Those people are always ready to transfer the aggression to you, an innocent bystander.
Lai lai… I refuse to accept. I can’t be close friends with someone who can decide to break my head one day just because I borrowed his perfume. And the sad thing is, many of them can be good friends. They can be generous and even loyal, turning up for you when you need them. But that anger. Many might be willing to overlook it, but not me. I can’t be friends with someone I’d always have to tiptoe around, scared of getting them angry. What kind of life is that?
Yeah, that’s a good question.
