EP. 1 INTRODUCTION
Waking up empty seems like nothing new to me. Flat, foggy, chaotic thoughts internally combusting to produce perfect emptiness. I know I should feel optimistic, but… There is always but, that not so attractive word with no actual explanation. I took a sip of the morning coffee from the biggest cup I posses.
I dreamt a curious dream last night, something I am sure not even Mr. Sigmund Freud himself could quite catch on. I was chased by a levitating pickle through the King’s Landing from Game of thrones, and every time an evil pickle would be so close to catching me I would transport myself to a different part of city with unknown power, seemingly safe, but scared and anxious. Somewhere in the middle of all that mess I woke up with my heart pumping like a Harley Davidson. I then realized that my bed isn’t just my bad, I was floating in a pond of my own cold sweat and a pickle was watching me from the ceiling. So I yelled as much as I could, screamed like a teenager seeing Justin Bieber for the first time, and I actually woke up. Quite confusing I must say. Dreams make me wonder. They stay in my mind for a brief part of the day and they disappear same as they came, without permission and in a random moment of time.
Back to the morning coffee. Took another big sip, I am probably addicted to caffeine more than I should be. It brings me back to reality and keeps my endorphin rush in order so I could go on and jump on daily tasks that lie upon me, but that’s whole another story. There are good days and there are bad days. This seems like a bad one, and it’s Thursday. Thursday makes me think. Week isn’t over yet, but I have a feeling that it just started 5 minutes ago. Weekend is close, yet deadlines for everything that needs to be done are even closer. Little bit over half way through whole week, you are between perfect amount of relaxation and tension to cause a mental breakdown in a grocery store while you are picking a perfect broccoli.
What causes emptiness in the morning is still a mystery to me. It’s not always there, and when it is, it can sometimes spread like an infection through whole minutes, hours and days. Maybe dreams, maybe all of that subconscious soup of chaos that cooks while you are paying attention to something else. Maybe hormonal imbalance, maybe all of our emotional traumas planning a conspiracy on ourselves.
So here I am, petting my cat and writing it down to make it easy on myself. To make it easy for all of you who go through same things over and over again. I know we would all like to make emptiness disappear. Important thing is to fight it, as much as you can, with all the accessible resources. On Thursdays we talk about mental health, and the real problems of depression and social anxiety disorders. We all have something that’s bothering us, whether it’s dramatic or not. Be well, and be free to comment what you think about those issues. Let’s discuss it.
