Last night was fun! My love and I have completed two masterpieces during the painting night, using two and half hours. It was a tough painting as multi-layers are needed, and the layout needed to show the concept of visual distance. The wind last night was so crazy that we had to protect the paintings while walking back to the car. The scene was hilarious!
My tinnitus still bothered me after 4 days. I post a callout in my WeChat Moments for my friends who suffered the similar symptoms to share their experiences of how to deal with that last night and most of them all urged me to see the doctor as soon as possible rather than asking for help in the Moments. Of course, I knew that was the way to go but seeing a doctor in the US took quite a while. I haven’t got my primary doctor yet and I might need to be referred to an ear doctor. It was not too good to ask for too many sick leave as I just started my career. Anyway, I think I should call a doctor and make an appointment. Health is more important as always.
Today was not a good start. I chose the wrong way to drive to work and I spent 10 minutes more than I usually did and I had no time for the breakfast. Right after the morning meeting, I rushed to the cafeteria to grab some bread and juice and directly walked to my favorite dining area, a spot hard to be seen for those getting into the cafeteria. You know what, just before I decided to sit, I found CEO just sitting two rows ahead of me, enjoying the sun. I was somehow nervous and quickly move out. I took another area to sit where I could hide from the CEO, but I found that I could not calm down for the breakfast at that moment. It was funny because I didn’t think it was wrong having breakfast in the company, but I was somehow surrounded by the fears that came from nowhere. It was working hour and I wasn’t supposed to sit to eat. I should be working hard at this moment. Anyway, I took the food to my seat and started working. Eating at the working spot looked better right?
I remembered that I once read some articles, telling me how fear was formed and how important it was. I understood that fears were human beings’ instinct and reminded them to be cautious of the surroundings. It was fear that kept us alive since the primitive society. However, sometimes it was also fear that kept us being afraid of enjoying life, afraid of taking risks and afraid to make commitments.
Taking myself as an example, I haven’t really enjoyed the weekend because of my tinnitus and I was focusing too much on the symptoms. I feared that the tinnitus would accompany me till the end of my life and I might go deaf if it went worse. I feared that I could not sleep if it went louder, and thus destroyed me. I couldn’t fill my stomach when I was so hungry because I was fearing that my CEO and other colleagues might think I wasn’t a decent employee. I was fearing that my dining behavior in the working hour was a sign of my poor professional image. I feared too much as you could tell. I feared in a way that wasn’t so right.
Fear is the enemy of life, so I shall overcome it. It is hard, but I should.
