It's been a long time since I sat down to write something and share it with the universe. I'd like to say, "It's not a lack of creativity," but I'm starting to doubt it.
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Between last time and so-so... Now I'm really in what I can only describe as 'consumption mode' - hours of watching, reading, listening, watching and what other people do. I don't really put everything out there, reacting to what I'm doing. Over the past nine months, I've written six or seven poems, a piece or two of prose, and an outline of a screenplay I'm about to write. I have written. You may be thinking, "That's more than my time," and you might be right. But that's not enough.
Am I just consuming, but am I not actually getting anything? Especially when it comes to music, it often has a very emotional response and spends a lot of time without further development.
Consuming too much, brain too weak to process everything step by step?Over the past two days, he checked his phone to see how much time he spent on the TikTok app. Almost half a day, just one app. Swipe to swipe to like and comment, do a thing or two. But honestly, it's mostly scrolling. I am consuming things that are never really satisfying. I'm sitting here with sleepy eyes. We are exhausted from consuming, not creating. I don't like this feeling It can be kind of healthy...in fact, I'm pretty sure it is. It's definitely worth taking the time to absorb and process/feel things. But now I feel like I ate too much at the buffet. I was full and kept eating.
I may be overthinking it. You should lie down on your bed, open the app and proceed. There will come a time when voice and hands will be enough and you will explode with expression. Perhaps this is accumulated downtime after 20 years of building externally. Maybe my first creative outburst took something away from me, I will make another one in the future, but now I live in the space between them.
Maybe part of it is being a hermit for a while.
Maybe all this is nonsense.
I might find an excuse. I still have a lot of things to do and my heart is full. It's like quitting drugs, a process that I have to go through. Remove some apps or set limits on them.
Once upon a time, binge drinking made me a better podcaster and I wasn't on antidepressants, but poking Red Bull made me a better writer... me still lives a better life. A life where expression is there and lived beyond the weight of so much darkness is silenced by scrolls and then by actions.