If I was president, I'd send the military into Venezuela to overthrow Maduro. I'd go there myself and personally beat the living shit out of that empanada-eating fatbody. I'd then annex Venezuela. Hey, if Putin can do Crimea, I can do him one better. When Venezuela is part of America, we won't have to worry about Saudi oil. After bombing Riyadh properly, we can forget all about that little cesspool corner of the world. Monarchy is so passe.
I never do anything for fewer than two reasons. As it stands, I have three.
Reason one: liberation of the Venezuelan people from an authoritarian regime.
Reason two: Venezuelan women are smoking-hot.
Reason three: largest proven oil reserves under American control.
Need I say more?
