Building A Powerful Marriage #4 - Communicate...with your words and such
People are always communicating, intentional or not, our bodies, faces, tones, clothing even is portraying something out to those around us. Even here on steem - with the pics you use in your thumbnail, how you use your markdownstyle - it's all saying something. Take a look at 
The same is true in marriage. If you are or have been in a marriage you can understand that 'I love you' feels one way after an awesome date, as opposed to running out the door to work after a rushed morning. This really goes for any relationship but we build norms in our communication that may not be communicating what we intend it to communicate.
For Example - I was away for a few days and got back early yesterday. Waiting for me was banana bread that my wife made. I love banana bread, and my wife knows that and communicated that she sees me and loves me by making that for me. It of course has not always been that way, and is not always that way she has had to learn that about me...and I have had to teach her those kind of things...using my words.
Powerful Marriage's teach each other...each other...with our words
This can be shockingly simple, because it is shockingly simple. However, when my wife and I got married I had some assumptions of things that I expected my wife to know about me, and vice versa. I remember the first time my wife went to the grocery store after we got married...she bought creamy peanut butter - I mean what was I supposed to eat?!?! She also has a style and sophistication that is several tiers above me. When we got married she would remove certain items in my wardrobe that she deemed unworthy, or would buy me clothes that I would never wear. She learned that I attach high sentimental value to a lot of my clothes and I prefer a nice goodwill button up over a macy's button up.
Both of these situations my wife and I have grown and learned each other, not because I glared at her when she threw away my old raggedy shoes, but because I used my words to communicate and teach her about me. She had no idea why I kept those shoes...I had to tell her that I eat crunchy peanut butter, and my clothing often times represents different memories for me and I would prefer it if she didn't not throw them away! She was then able to learn a deeper part of me, and has created increased power and love insdie our marriage. She thinks everytime she goes to Sam's - 'Im buying cruncy peanut butter in bulk because I love my husband'...and I feel loved....
My wife and I have lived in 4 different houses/apartments together, and with each situation our home would progressively get invaded my plants. Both seasonal, and permanent. Initially, I thought oh cool. As the vegetation onslaught continued, I begin thinking - how much did that cost? Don't we already have three of those?
I being the stuffer of emotion that I am eventually exploded. Not good. But, my wife was able to use her words to teach me about how she values plants, how they make her feel, and how she wants them to be apart of our home. I said great...ish...and am now able to have a flower/plant line item in our budget...just to love my wife.
Are you getting frustrated with your spouse?
Assuming, that both of you have the desire and courage to press into challenges, why are you getting frustrated? There may be places where you haven't learned your spouse - it will feel something like this. "She is always ________" (buying plants). "He is always ________". Things like leaving dishes out, not folding the laundry, spending money on this or that. For most people those things just sit and compound on one or the other spouse's emotion until they reach a breaking point. Getting frustrated over the dishes is normal - but it could also become a way to love your spouse.
I grew up doing the dishes in the morning when I got up (much more of a morning person). There have been countless nights, where my wife has gotten frustrated because their are dishes on the counter at 10pm when she is trying to go to bed. This resulted in some bickering and me hearing "you never do the dishes" or "don't you care that there are dishes everywhere". Now early on in our marriage I would just suck it up and do it, and respond with some snide remark like "you happy now?".
That situation has changed dramatically when my wife and I used our words and she taught me that she feels some closure on her day when the kitchen is cleaned and is easier to then go to bed. I took that into account and learned that this is something she values and wants to maintain in our lives. I am now able to do the dishes, at night (which is still not natural for me), and am able to communicate my love and value for my wife when I do that. In addition to this, having a rested peaceful wife at night has ample benefits...
So, do you have frustration points in your marriage? What are they? It maybe a place where you have not learned your spouse or you have not taught your spouse yourself. If this is you go on a date night and ask a few of these questions below -
Is there anything I do that consistently bothers you? What is it and why does it bother you?
Is there anything that you do not think that I understand about you? Will you teach me more about that part of you?
What do you think your greatest strength and weakness are? How can I empower or cover those?
If you do this let me know how it goes!
A Powerful Marriage is not a perfect marriage. It is however one where both parties are choosing each other and on the journey to become experts at the other. Use your words and teach your spouse more about yourself! I am ten years in and can't wait for the next 10!