Journaling has been one of the most effective ways to overcome the abuse I experienced in the past. Things that I still can't say out loud, I can say on paper. Although, even then it has been an uphill battle.Over the years, I have had to change my journal habits many things to keep going.
I have an electronic version of a recovery workbook because I don't always know what to say unless someone asks me a question. I have a print version of this same book because, for some reason, I will feel stuck and unable to open the print version. So I work around that by using the electronic version instead.
I have changed journaling from handwriting in a journal, to typing in a word document. I have switched to cursive when I felt paralyzed and unable to print words in a journal. I have even bought new journals just to move past that paralysis I experience.I have focused on the type of paper.
I literally bought a journal where the paper was made out of stone so that I could change the way I thought about journaling. It was like a 10 dollar journal with only a few pages in it, but it kept me going to not think of it as paper from a tree. It wasn't real paper I guess.
Sometimes, I will try to find something that didn't exist in my childhood to override things the fear of doing something I was told in my childhood not to do and it works pretty well for the most part. Although, I know that a lot of things aren't getting to the root of the problem because most of the deeper spiritual abuse consists of oral teachings that I have not been able to speak or write about yet.
I journal about regular things that most survivors relate to like how degrading it is to experience rape. The shame I feel. The powerlessness I experience, and the self-contempt that comes naturally to me. This has improved my life tremendously, but more than anything, I know God is using this experience to help me overcome my fear of the true unknown that lies ahead.
It is all so that I will be able to face the things that no one can face for me. Like when Jesus was tested in the wilderness."Jesus said to him, 'Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only. Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him." (Matthew 4:10-11).
