We can certainly feel the power emanating through the words in this post... I sense the deep well of drive and ambition that is resident there now; boiling and churning.

The emotion that I most infer from your words is resentment. A bitterness that the painful events of heartache and loss have ignited, or reignited this drive within you. One that steers you away from a path that you would have otherwise chosen for yourself.

It's as if success and the pursuit of perfection have become the demon spawn of vengeance now. A vengeance that is born from and aimed at the cruelty of Life, and the pain it wrecks upon us at times.

No judgment or statement from me intended here. It is only what your words conjure up within my consciousness as I read them.

Thanks, for the millionth time, for your raw, but beautiful, prose.