Flood the world with your might,
Your beauty always overcame my sight
I let you in without query,
And accepted your offering of unripened cherries.
/
The rains run down,
oh it pours and it pours,
It screams down your cheek,
Your hair is wet and it is coarse.
/
Our of the cold and into my hold,
Unaccustomed to a home filled with gold.
I shared it all, withholding nothing,
You stole it all and took off running.
/
You came into my home ad joined in our feast,
Never gave anything yet left with everything.
You played the victim and called me a beast.
Homeless you invaded and spoiled my fruit,
So cunning, so deceitful, you poisoned my root.
This is a poem I wrote about my ex-grlfriend. This is not to 'get back at her' or to throw shade, but to vent, and I thought this might be a nice platform to do so. I'll explain some of the metaphors here.
The first line is an allusion to when God flooded the earth during the story of Noah's ark. Many see this as a cruel showing of power for no good reason. I am a christian and believe the story different, but thats for another time.
The second line explains how her beauty overcame my judgement. She had nothing at one point. Three or four months into our being together she was heavily depressed. She tried to take her own life four times. When everyone around us told me to leave her because she wasn't treating me well, and when he parents tried to force me away and she tried to push me away, I stuck with her because I believe Jesus is faithful to me. Because He is to me, I vowed to my God and to her that I would never leave her in that pain.
She had no place to live at one point either during all this, so I opened my home to her. I let her live with my family in our spare room and brought her out of the cold and the rain which the second stanza describes. The part about the coarse hair is an allusion to what I ended up seeing in the future, how the never truly cared for or loved me, but took everything I ever gave her out of love.
The rest of it is simple. She lived with myself and my family rent free. Ate our food and lived with us, used up everything I myself as well as my poor family ever gave her.
After over a year, when I was very seriously considering proposing, she left me. Three weeks later she's seeing another man yet still living in my home with my family (at this point I'm living at School a few hours away but still visiting home every now and then). When she was having a very hard time as I briefly mentioned above, she explained to me that she couldn't give me 100% in the relationship. I accepted that because I knew she was very ill and physically and emotionally unable to give me that.
Fast forward. I'm home visiting form school and she's bringing this new boyfriend of hers around my home. One evening though, upon asking whether she ever in the relationship gave me 100% or ever even felt 100% towards me, she admitted that no she never did. As much as it was very easy to infer this, because I knew it already, it was beyond soul-crushing to actually hear from her own lips.
She was the first girl I ever really loved. I gave all of myself to her. I gave her everything because I loved her, and she took it all for granted and used me.
As previously mentioned, this is not to spite her. She's not on steemit. This is to vent only. I love her very much, and care very much about her. Am I upset with how she's treated me and my family? Absolutely. Im devastated. I thought I was going to marry her (oh how blind I was at the time sadly...). I genuinely wanted for her to be the girl I'd marry at some point.
So if anyone can take away anything from my sad story here, I want it to be this, and its someone an old friend once told me: never give up on someone because you don't get the response you were looking for. I will never regret sticking by her when she needed someone. It was the hardest thing I've ever done to be in love with someone who can look me directly in the eye, lifeless, and say she wants to die. I can think of few things more crushing. And this happened on several occasions, and it wasn't even the extent of it (If any of you have ever been close to a suicidal friend, you know the pain and anxiety of it). So never give up one someone because you don't get the response you're looking for. Even if its taxing and costly to you, stick by someone when they need you regardless. Do it for them, not yourself. It is painful, but the fight is worth it to make life a little better for someone some day.
I would love to engage in the comments with anyone who has a similar story, advice on how to get over something like this, or any thoughts on my post or my writing. Thank you.
