I don't drink coffee.
After five years of university, and nearly 25 years of full-time employment, if I haven't developed the taste for java juju juice yet, it ain't happening.
Ergo, I need another method to get my daily dose of morning caffeine.
It used to be Diet Mt. Dew, but now I need something a little more hardcore.
Whilst I was working in Warehouse Club Hell, the slop shop sold Red Bull, and one morning, I really needed a boost.
Drinking an original Red Bull, to the uninitiated, is an experience. I thought it tasted like liquid Smarties candy.
Pretty gross.
I would later learn Red Bull was popular as a club drink. Indeed, our wine and spirits shop sold Red Bull by the case. One old man once why we had it in the shop, and sold it by the case. I said it's supposed to be a club mix, describing the Jager-Bomb, Red Bull and Jagermeister mixed together, for example.
The old guy stared at me. "Who in the hell thought that up? Jagermeister tastes nasty, Red Bull tastes nasty. How do two nasties make something good?"
Well, in addition to not drinking coffee, I also don't drink alcohol, so I can't comment on that. I guess it's one area where I have something in common with the God-Emperor on his Cherry Blossom Throne.
Fortunately, Red Bull wised up and added some much-needed variety to its lineup, with mixed results, of course.
They've released the great (Red edition and the [RIP] silver edition), the good (Yellow and Grapefruit), the OK (Orange), to the disgusting (Blue Edition, Zero sugar.)
This year's Summer Edition, White, is Coconut Berry. I can definitely taste the coconut, but darned if I know what exactly the "berry" is supposed to be. When Yellow came out, "tropical fruit" was assumed to be pineapple, and that was good enough for us, but I can't guess what this "berry" is. I guess I'd settle for the artificial "blue raspberry" flavors. Gah, I despise that term! Raspberries ain't blue! And who ever serves a coconut and berry dish anyway? Coconut and chocolate, of course, coconut and pineapple, certainly. Coconut and berries? Nope.
The end result is an odd, dual-level sensation. I kid you not, my brain and tongue said coconut on one side of the mouth, "berry" on the other. I just hope they agreed to be digested together in my guts.
So far, so good.
So, in closing, I can't endorse this flavor, but I can't recommend you avoid it either. I guess if you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, this would be an energy drink for you. Me, I'll stick to the sugar-free lime, and remember the glorious, defunct Silver Edition.