Do you ever feel like you could just melt into the earth, disappear, and leave unnoticed?
Okay that’s a little far out.
But that It wouldn’t really make a huge difference if you were gone?
There’s nothing that really “needs” you here?
This is the feeling I get when I’m not contributing.
When I don’t feel I am doing my part as a human.
Yes there are people that will miss me.
Am I making that big of a difference in their life?
Okay to a few people, yes I am.
They would miss me.
for how long though?
For how long until they “move on?”
Well my parents. Definitely.
They have been a huge factor of keeping me here when I wanted to go.
But there is not a job that needs me.
I’m not active in a community.
I feel like i’m floating.
I’ve been floating.
I think it’s good to think about our mortality.
To contemplate it.
I was taking a bath. I couldn’t help think- what If I just died here? Went under and stayed?
I wouldn’t be embarrassed about my naked body.
I would have no ego.
What am I leaving behind?
What in my life am I a vital part of that wouldn’t be the same without me?
At this time in my life,
There isn’t much.
I haven’t been doing much.
My jobs are sporadic.
I’m “replaceable.”
Yes, there have been events lately that are demanding of me. A little stressful.
Annoying to have to deal with.
Confusing.
And all of that added to the fact that I haven’t been “on mission” lately,
I haven’t been creating and using my creative energy,
makes me feel like i’m disconnected from life.
Not fully alive.
It’s challenging here.
But in the meantime,
i’m being kind to myself.
Telling me what I do have to offer.
Reminding myself of who I am.
Funny, caring, energetic, goofy, fun, talented, beautiful.
During the tough times, self-compassion really comes in handy
🙏
