As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), I never wanted to have children; I never aspired to be a mother. I always thought, how can I care for another human being, if I am suicidal and can barely take care of myself?.. It seemed unimaginable to me.
However, as we all know, life tends to have other plans for us. I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, was getting clean from drugs, was finally with the man that I wanted to be with... when I found out I was pregnant. I still remember the state of shock I was in as I looked down at the positive pregnancy test. Despite my mentality of I am never having children, I immediately knew that I had to keep the baby; there was no other option!
I am incredibly grateful that I did 💗 No, having a baby did not completely change my mental state. I still have dark days, I still experience depression. But the light that this little girl has brought into my world--there are no words to describe it. Every now and then, I experience a state of complete disbelief. I made this human being. While she was still in my belly, this tiny life was kicking, tumbling, and hiccuping inside of me!
I cannot believe that I created life with the man that I love 💞 I cannot imagine my life any other way. I am incredibly excited for what the future has in store for us!