No this story does not involve porridge….nor does it involve an uninvited house guest…in fact…just the opposite…
These three bears have a permanent seat in the owner’s living room…this chair is located directly across from where she spends much of her time…a perfect view from her living room couch…
All day they sit quietly which is so different from the periods in her life they represent...times when her inner demons created chaos in all aspects of her life...choices made out of fear…hopelessness….and a search for escape.
But today they represent faith…a reminder that no matter what is happening…things can get better…
The white one in the middle is the oldest…the camera does a great job hiding its faded and threadbare 25 years. It represents the most important turning point in her life…a life that had spun out of control…it was right before Christmas…. her family had reached a breaking point… her husband packed and ready to move out….three young children trying to find their way….something had to give….so she checked into a hospital…detoxed and went away to a six month sober house…she had nothing to lose but the desire to hide behind the addictions that served her so well….
The first week was hell…she fought every step of the way….then on Monday of the second week she received a package…a stuffed bear dressed in a nurse’s outfit…the message on the card from her husband and children was one of love and hope…and so today “recovery bear” sits right there as a reminder of what was and what can be…
Unfortunately “getting sober” doesn’t make life magically better…in fact it’s often just the beginning…it takes work…it takes time…old wounds fester…old behavior patterns sneak in and the loved ones around her bare the scars and don’t always seek the help and understanding to easily move on….
So when her daughter required a significant operation she considered letting her stay at her home to recover….unfortunately their relationship was strained…the past still haunted them…grand children were used as pawns…she struggled greatly keeping her thoughts to herself….but…having talked it out with those closest to her…she decided to make the offer…it lasted a week…it was a test of every part of her sober program skills…especially having pain medication at hand readily available…but she did it…and it wasn’t all bad…in fact her daughter opened up a bit about the past…she just listened…quoted different things she had learned over the years from her program…made amends as best possible….
Of course nothing lasts forever….and on the last day the daughter couldn’t help but throw a few acidic comments at her on the way out the door….but…she took a deep breath…said a prayer and made herself her “job well done” cup of tea.….needless to say she was quite shocked a few days later to hear a knock on the door and found a package left on her doorstep...it contained the “I Love Lucy Bear”….one of her favorite shows which she and her daughter had watched a bit during her recent stay.….now the pink frock'd Lucy bear is a permanent fixture on her living room chair…
Sadly some wounds never completely heal…her father died at the age of 50…he was her hero…her savior…probably made larger than life because he did die so young….in contrast her relationship with her mother was just the opposite….polar opposite…forced love…bordering on hatred and resentments…the middle of three daughters she could do nothing right…if only she could be like her sisters…in other words…keep the abuse a secret like a “good girl”…
But a time came when her mother was failing…regular visits to emergency rooms and rehabs….she couldn’t stay alone….made no sense staying in her bigger home…so the three sisters talked over solutions…her two sisters worked full time…she did not….one sister still had children at home…the other had an older home with many tight stairways unlike her who had the “perfect” living area…the same place her daughter had stayed…so despite the down deep resentment…she took on the challenge….mom would temporarily live with her until she got back to better health…
It was nine months of hell with a sprinkle of love….it took everything she had not to reach a breaking point…but despite the almost full time care…her mother still needed three emergency room visits mixed in with two short term rehab stints…finally after the last emergency room visit…it was decided she needed institutional care…it didn’t last long…hospice was a few month later…and despite the tearful loving discussions she and her mother had in those final days…she never got to hear the words she so desperately craved…
Months later…while cleaning out her mother’s clothing still in the closet she had used during her temporary stay….she decided to have a bear made for each of her sisters out of articles of her mother's clothing that would mean something personal to them….so she enlisted her friend to assist with the sewing…right before Christmas she received the bears…only instead of just two bears…there was a third…one her friend had made for her…tears streamed down her face….
So today the three bears sit comfortably together as a reminder that our past makes up the fabric of our present…and on those days when the inner demons start to take control and thoughts run amok…all she has to do is look up and over to be reminded to just “grin and bear it"….one never knows what package may arrive.
